Ashes to Ashes

The Daily Mash has two articles to exercise the chuckle muscles.

Firstly, (ironically after I had a conversation last week with a US-American on the same subject):

  • TEST match cricket was declared stupid last night after England drew with Australia despite being much, much worse at cricket than them.

  • England can now claim to be just as good as Australia as experts warned it will soon be impossible to attract young people into the game if you cannot win no matter how much better you are than your opponent.
  • Experts say Australia may have been forced into a draw after a little known by-law was used to assess their score in dog years.

    The passage in the rule-book, written in bright green biro, states any player involved in totals over 600 not holding a British passport will have their score divided by seven.
Secondly, as more (British) bodies are readied for cremation, the issue is summed up thus:
  • MORE people know where Afghanistan is compared to three years ago while thousands more have promised to look it up on Google, according to a new poll.


    In a stunning success for the government's war strategy, almost 20% of Britons can now point to the troubled nation on a map, though less than 10% knew why they were being asked to.
  • Margaret Gerving, from Hatfield, added: "September 11th 2001 was an awfully long time ago. There have been many, many episodes of Celebrity Masterchef since then and I had to make room for them in my brain."