Dolly Mail Dummies

The Great Daily Mail apologies series continues with the disappointing-for-Mail-Readers news that Adolf Hitler dolls may not be as widely available - in the Ukraine - as previously thought.

On 23 April, we published an agency report that an Adolf Hitler doll had gone on sale in the Ukraine.
We have been asked to point out that this doll was not widely available, was in fact manufactured in Taiwan, and that there are no plans for expansion of the range.
We apologise for any offence caused.

No news yet on the proposed Lord Rothermere or Paul Dacre dolls..........

To That Extent

In a continuing series of Daily Mail apologies comes this fine example:

Last updated at 09:57am on 19th May 2008

On 28 February in an article headed “Camilla holiday with ex-husband” we said that Brigadier Andrew Parker-Bowles was spending a week abroad with his former wife, the Duchess of Cornwall. We have been asked to make clear that he did not go on holiday with the Duchess of Cornwall and to that extent our article was inaccurate. We apologise to Brigadier Parker-Bowles for any embarrassment caused.

Yes, but apart from that...............

James Slack: Paid For Hate

When James Slack (if he exists) of the Daily Mail talks about TRUTH we all sit up and take notice.
In his 17th May bilge, he decides to have a go at migrants for a change. HOW DO YOU SLEEP?

The truth about 'high level' language tests for migrants - which include words like 'shop', 'big house' and 'very rich'

We all know this is a bollocks story, but unfortunately, there are people who read headlines in the Mail, and Metro; that is James Slack's raison d'etre.

The Daily Mail has tracked down the Council's A1 document and its requirements are basic, to say the least.

Tracked down? Basic? Daily Mail? Oh, make your own jokes.

A1 is neither tip-top, or the highest standard - it is the lowest, and by far.

I think Slack has been googling Englishness and getting Arthur Ransome and Billy Bunter; down with the kids as usual, Jimmy?

Perhaps the most interesting piece of Slackism comes at this point,

Also excluded are the mainstays of British convention in 2008 - house prices and the credit credit crunch.

......and the amount of taxes paid by Mr Slack's employers and the out-of-court settlements paid when Associated Newspapers don't quite get the FACTS right.

Of course, when Slack has a story to regurgitate, he needs an independent source: cue Sir andrew green of the no-axe-to-grind-Migrationwatch:

Sir Andrew Green, chairman of Migrationwatch UK, said last night: "These immigrants won't have enough English to understand the meaning of the word "spin", but, judging by this episode, they will very soon find out."

Thanks, Mr Green. You must be so proud of your rentaquotes in Slack's shit pieces. Do you not realise that you should always take care to choose your strange bedfellows?

Amazingly, there were no comments from the usual ex-pats from Malaga, Australia or Neptune (any ex-pats currently residing in Hong Kong are obviously exempt from this rant provided they send lots of money now!)

Maybe James Slack is a polyglot; perhaps he orders pierogi in Poland, macaroni in Milan or balti in Birmingham, Alabama.

No, Slack, the truth is that you have money sent to your bank account - notwithstanding the credit crunch or the equity on your house - enjoy your pieces of silver, James.

Maybe I'm Amazed (Or Not)

With just over 2 weeks to go until Macca returns to Liverpool, my email box winced at the metaphorical kick it received today: The Mail On Sunday is to give away his last CD in the paper. Now, I've already bought the item so I've less of a dilemma than others. Should you bite the bullet, buy a copy of Asian Babes and hide your dirty, perverted purchase within, or maybe just hand your local newsagent (because people who buy papers from supermarkets are Satan's spawn) and buy a box of Swan Vestas to deal with your malignant waste of tree forest.

It's a bit like seeing Tony Benn's diaries serialised in the Mail stable; it just feels like a betrayal.
So, Paul, if you sense a deep scowl from the Centenary Stand on June 1st, you know why. Perhaps it's because the paper was more sympathetic to you than Heather.

We're still waiting for said tickets. It appears they will be sent out in the next week, with overseas purchasers having to collect in person. Hmm, given past problems with the Royal Mail, maybe getting them from the 08 centre isn't a bad idea.

Just seen the usual treat-the-public-like-shit-and-sell-them-overpriced-crap stipulations on the 08 site. No alcohol (but we'll flog it to you for the price of a small house prior to the credit crunch), water (so dehydrate at your own risk/cost), no cameras (good luck with that one chaps). Apparently, the ban on taking ones own drink in is not connected to the threat of using Oasis bottles to cause a smallish terrorist explosion even if you have the scientific knowledge and resources (as Obsolete completely dismantles here.)

Krakow: 2008

Zakopane, Poland

Story Of The Blues

In this verbose world in which we live in, I have often said that we can glean far more from what is not said than from what is said. As Dr Winston O'Boogie aka John Lennon stated, 'A conspiracy of silence speaks louder than words.'

Fresh from my latest trip to Poland, it was interesting to see a good example in today's Daily Mail. No doubt the Mail's readership are too busy celebrating their electoral successes to be bothered with commenting on stories, but two pieces caught my eye.

Firstly, the usual immigration/asylum story. I was in Poland when the story broke over figures showing that many Poles were returning home. Not so long ago the right-wing press turned this into a desertion as opposed to the previous flooding/swamping.

Now, we have a bit of a non-story about some people (according to an Immigration Officer) reportedly giving the weather (so much for global warming huh!) and the NHS as a reason for LEAVING Open-Door UK. I can't be arsed saying more as the article is by our fiend (sic) James Slack and a cursory perusal of his words show that the actual figures of people involved may be counted on one of Littlejohn's hairy-palmed hands.

Suffice to say, there are 70+ comments. Read them. I bet you can't guess what the rational green-inkers of Mail Land say about this one. Click here if you dare.

I'm not one to have sour grapes about results. The blue boys won and the reds have only themselves to blame for own goals etc.

.............which of course leads us to the second story:

'Football success is nothing compared to my father's triumph in surviving horrors of Auschwitz', says Chelsea boss Avram Grant

As with a lot of stories about Nazis and the BNP in the Oswald Mosley-supporting Mail, NO COMMENTS!as

For the first time ever, a BNP candidate stood in my area. He secured over 200 votes. We did not receive any literature from this scum party (oh but it's a legitimate party, Eric) but still people voted for this evil group. We can blame scaremongering, the press, (or having a printing business if you are Cooke of Tamworth) but have no doubts that these Fascists would go down the same path that led to Avram Grant's father being subjected to the torture of Auschwitz.

So I say congrats to Chelsea and hope the Tories enjoy their success; but the reds will be back.

Kielce: April 2008