Simple Simon And His Even Thicker Flock of Fascists

I've just booked a trip to Brussels. It won't come courtesy of the morons and bigots who voted for Nicholas Griffin of the Odious BNP but it will enable me to partake of some great Belgian beers as I hope to be there during Oktoberfest.

Simon Darby of the aforementioned Odious BNP is having a good time shuttling back from Strasbourg and Brussels and keeps the troops up to date with this peach of a comment:

• Just heard that Nick will be making his first speech in the European Parliament this afternoon between three and six o´clock. Please remember that this is French time and as such they are operating an hour in front of us.

Bloody foreigners with their anti-GMT time zones; bloody BNP members - too thick to know the difference.

Further news arrives which seems to cast doubts on the BNP's egalitarian and democratic treatment of its members.

Chairman Griff takes time off from being barred from Europe's finest hostelries (or not) - 'Do you know what I am?' - to email the foot soldiers of hate and doom.

• Unlike the other British MEPs, we are not motivated by money, expenses or career;

But if you'd like to give us some of that, er, money (Britisher Pounds only - used notes preferred) then who's to stop you? After all, the party is growing like a festering disease. However, Nicholas has a note (non-traceable numbers please) of caution for the dogs of warp.

• but there is still something more that can be done: Upgrade to Gold membership!

Gold you say? But what's that all about, nick dear?

• Gold members are the 'elite' of the Party - they go that extra mile and quite rightly display their Gold membership badge with pride at Party meetings and events.

I see, those street warriors who go the extra mile (but ignore the parable of the Good Samaritan obviously) and fight the good fight with all their might. Come hail (I said hail not Heil so stop that sniggering at the back), rain or other weather conditions not caused by the Marxist conspiracy of Global Warming, these patriots are there, giving their time, intellect and strength to the nationalist movement? Well not quite.

• Gold membership for newcomers is a mere £60 - and existing BNP members need only top up their membership by £30 to become Gold members!

Oh, £30 extra, Nick. What if I'm a poor destitute indigenous person who cannot get a job, house, helicopter or lobotomy due to preferential treatment for immigrants? I feel like a second class citizen in my own nutty party. What's the benefit if I sell my antique copy of Mein Kampf and put the children on the game to pay the upgrade?

• The Gold membership badge also makes a superb addition to any type of clothing, whether a suit or casual.

Oh, OK that's me sold!

• All Gold members receive a special gold membership badge that sets them apart from ordinary members.

Yeh, take that 'ordinary' members. Bling talks.

Anyone feeling left out by this sudden elitism in the hierarchy of this democratic party may be calmed by the strident call from Griff:

• now is the time to join as a Gold member: crime, immigration, corruption, EU sell-out, dysfunctional schools and hospitals, political correctness, break-up of the United Kingdom, high-taxes, rip-off Britain, Islamification…..isn't it time you joined the British Resistance?

Those dysfunctional hospitals really do need tackling. It's not possible to walk the streets without encountering the threat of feral A & E departments jumping out and giving people a good triage.

Maybe members will wake up to the fact that Midas Griffin does not turn everything he touches into gold.