Gathering Nuts in December

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the toy store, the sane and rational people behind the MAMA campaign (Moms Ask Mattel for Accountability) have taken the fight against Islam to new heights.

Remember the doll that didn't say 'Islam is the light'? The one that caused The Sun to have a stroke?The one that caused yours truly to write a column in the Owasso Reporter in Oklahoma? Of course you do. But, - a reader shouts - surely we've all moved on from this silly season story? Oh no. Take a bow MAMA.

As they say on the terraces, who are you?

• Moms Ask Mattel for Accountability - MAMA -is a public education effort by concerned families to protect children from being invited to join Islam, without their parents’ knowledge or permission

Pleased to meet you, MAMA. So, you've heard about the doll then?

• Mattel, the largest toy maker in the world, is still selling a toy that says “Islam is the Light”

So, what's your solution to this crime against humanity?

• Truth-in-advertising for this toy is of material importance to the post-9/11 consumer, especially to the post 9/11 parent who purchases a toy in absence of any warning that the toy advocates Islam to young children.

I see. So, if granny buys this devil doll for little Britney she'll grow up wanting to blow up people? Or maybe she'll just join the US army where you get to learn to land planes as well.

Disturbingly, Mattel are apparently in on the indoctrination.

• “Chris Schaden, senior vice president of sales at Mattel, said last month the company did a thorough investigation and found that, ‘if told to listen for a particular phrase, you may hear something similar due to the power of suggestion.’”

Ah, Harry Hill's POS strikes again. What are the chances? (anyone outside the UK won't get this).

Even worse, Mattel, it is claimed, posted a different sound file on its website.

MAMA were not to be fobbed off. They used computer and audio experts to slow down the audio so that a definitive, remixed version could be produced. Whether this will be released on itunes is another matter.

Here, Randall Rathbun, the aliteratively named hero of the movement, picks up the gauntlet like a knight on his way to the crusades:

• I slowed the whole recording down to the following 3 ranges: a man’s voice, a woman’s voice and a child’s voice.

  I then listened carefully, playing each several times for subtle
  nuances. The child’s voice wasn’t quite right, there was too much
  articulation for a normal child to master. The man’s voice didn’t
  sound right, the timbre quality or resonances did not fit or sound
  right, but when I played the woman’s voice the first time, it was an
  uncanny match.

• I used the Windows version of Audacity Sound Editor to slow the speed from 44.1K to 31K and convert the file from mp3 to a wav file….

Slow down, Randy, you mean it won't work on a Mac?

Now, I'm losing the will to live so I can't be bothered to give these zealots any more space. I'm no apologist for any fundamentalist extremism whether it be Jihadists or the MAMAs from Hell.