Hippo Chris and Christmas Messages

Hippo Chris

Some good examples of hypocrisy and downright affrontery this year. From the annual autocue fest of Liz 2 to the usual attempt to shock by Channel 4; from Papal bull to mealy-mouthed Maildom.

Exhibit A

• "If Christ were on earth today, undoubtedly He would stand with the people in opposition to bullying, ill-tempered and expansionist powers.

  "If Christ were on earth today, undoubtedly He would hoist the banner of justice and love for humanity to oppose warmongers, occupiers, terrorists and bullies the world over.

  "If Christ were on earth today, undoubtedly He would fight against the tyrannical policies of prevailing global economic and political systems, as He did in His lifetime.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran

Where do we start?

Then we have the reason the country comes to a stop on Christmas Day in order to hear from above what our betters think. The speech is as much a British tradition as having a monarch of Germanic stock.

• "Christmas is a time for celebration, but this year it is a more sombre occasion for many,"

  "Some of those things which could once have been taken for granted suddenly seem less certain and naturally give rise to feelings of insecurity."

As the credit crunch bites there'll be less Bucks Fizz at Buck House so for those affected by this message we'll flash up an onscreen phone number for you to call and donate money for this family in need. Even Prince William has had to cut down on razor blades recently on his sombre Christmas trip to Oz.

Of course, some people feel the Royal family are totally in touch with reality - even if their own grasp of constitutional politics is a bit ropey. Cue Daily Mail Asylum Patients:

• So why doesn´t Her Majesty dissolve Parliament and get these idiots who caused the problem out of power?

  - Neil, Malaga Spain, 24/12/2008 17:34

• If the queen really cared, she would have thrown this Labour give-away lot out years ago.

  Click to rate Rating 3
  - John, A state in Europe., 24/12/2008 6:

A lot of Mail readers are less than complimenary however.

• And the relevance of HER remarks to ordinary Folk?
  This is infantile- she is wholly insignificant to reality

  Click to rate Rating 6
  - James Bowers, United Kingdom,

The Daily Mail itself also shines out like a beacon of hope:
Message of Hope Among The Gloom. As with the Queen's lecture above, the paper should also carry on-screen links to Careline but every day.

• As bad economic news floods in from around the world, most of us will be approaching Christmas this year in a more sombre mood than we've become used to over the past 17 years of steady growth.

Sombre? Is Lizzie writing for the Mail? Or Dacre scripting the seasonal soliloquy?

Then it's over to the land of accountancy at the Holy See:

Pope Benedict XVI said, "If people look only to their own interests, our world will certainly fall apart," he told tens of thousands of worshippers gathered in St Peter's Square.

He would be better relaying the message through two glove puppets - Urbi and Orbi for example? Yeh, stop being selfish.

• "Brothers and sisters, all you who are listening to my words: this proclamation of hope – the heart of the Christmas message – is meant for all men and women."

That's all men and women who don't get mixed up in gender theory and cause untold damage to the rain forests, apparently.

• But enough, for the moment, of political speculation and economic gloom. Enough of the mighty dread that has seized the nation's troubled mind.

Will the Mail cease publication in the New year? No? Oh well. Carry on.

• As the angel told the shepherds abiding in the fields, the message we celebrate tomorrow is one of joy and hope for all mankind.

So Happy Christmas, Froehliche Weihnachten, Wesołych Świąt, joyeux Noël, Merii Kurisumasu, З Божым нараджэннем, kala christougenna, Nadolig llawen.