Water, Water, Everywhere

Seeing the endless BBC News 24 streaming of people in boats in gardens, I noticed the weird juxtaposition of Daily Mail Readers' opinions on charitable donations and the appearance of Dave Cameron in Rwanda.

The Conservative leader is good at jumping on bandwagons, whether it be green issues or 'gettin' down with the kids', as he strives to portray his party as less right-wing. His strategy is risky as it alienates the traditional (i.e. lunatic) Tories, and by hanging onto Labour's coat-tails he is in danger of losing his grip (on reality?).

This Government, though far from perfect in its policy on overseas aid has made a significant difference. Cameron can thank this approach for the fact that he is welcomed in Rwanda.

The DM club of eternal colonels and sexually-frustrated housewives are out in droves; putting the world to rights. Here are a few gems from the usual suspects:

  1. Gordon can you stop spending our money overseas, and concentrate on the people that need it here first.- Jacqui Weems, Southampton
  2. Whenever there is a disaster like this anywhere else in the world everyone, throughout the country, is asked to help with money and blankets etc, but I have not heard anything about helping our own people in this terrible situation. Nor do I see or hear of any help coming from abroad. I thought America and George Bush were our allies.Little Britain is just abandoned by the world when we need help. Please remember this wherever the next disaster hits. Charity begins at home. Bring all the troops home from Iraq and everywhere else to help our own.- Marjorie Chappell, Milton Keynes
  3. It's about time we the people had a say, this Labour government always puts foreigners first. If there were floods in Pakistan, Bangladesh, India or Africa then money, supplies, water, food and the army would be deployed. 150,000 people in Gloucester have no water, hundreds of thousands in the north have ruined homes and hundreds of thousands more in rural areas are affected - are they not now a minority in distress? Yet the BBC tell us "tens of thousands are affected", and on the weather news bulletin said: "the rain may stop India" - what trite comments, they are so used to playing down the news for new Labour that we don't even have an accurate report on a national crises! Where is the help coming from? Why does not Brown ask for bottled water from France and borrow more helicoptors (sic) and boats? Why did he cut the flood budget last year? Next time there's an appeal for foreign aid on the TV my credit card will stay at home in my wallet!- David C Hamilton-Williams, East Grinstead

The barking mad individual from Southampton gets her hateful bile published all the time on The Mail's website. However, it is nigh on impossible to get a dissenting voice on this site. Charity begins at home for these Little Englanders, but you know that they don't give as much to charity as a proportion of their income as poorer people. Do we really think that the double- barrelled class warrior from East Grinstead reaches for his Visa card every time Darfur is mentioned on TV.

It is always incredible that such people decry other faiths and claim to be Christian. Charity begins at home, they moan. What is galling is the fact that so many people share this selfish and irrational view.

Whenever there is a natural disaster on this scale in the UK, the radio phone-ins and DM comment sections are inundated by the usual cries of 'charity begins at home' and ask why the Third World aren't holding pop concerts for the destitute of the 4th richest country on the planet.

On a lighter note (easy to say when completely dry) I noticed the inevitable comment from Dr. Foster on the BBC Gloucestershire website.

  • I went there, never again though go (sic) soaked!
    Dr Foster

People stop me in the street and say, 'Eric, that's alright for you to criticise these commentators, but you're a fish. you can cope.' A good point, well made. So, I have the solutions:

  1. We up anchor and take advantage of our island status. Then we can move like a giant caravan to more clement climes when the need arises. This would also have a positive effect on the UK tourist industry.
  2. We hear a lot about stealth taxes from Brown's critics in the DM inter alia. We should tax stealth as well. In addition, all DM readers will pay an extra Irrationality Tax.
  3. IMNARB Tax : Anyone who has ever said, 'I'm not a racist but.....' shall have their financial affairs controlled by a Government quango with Enduring Power of Attorney. This body will levy a 80% tax and give the person pocket money index-linked to the allowances given to asylum seekers.
  4. Households that light up their homes with garish Xmas decorations from November until January will be forced to use eco-cycles to generate electricity for their sane neighbours.
Footnotes for non-UK

1. An old nursery rhyme is :
Doctor Foster went to Gloucester
In a shower of rain,

He stepped in a puddle, Right up to his middle,

And never went there again.

2. Water, water, everywhere,

And all the boards did shrink.

Water, water everywhere,

Nor any drop to drink.

-Samuel Taylor Coleridge (1772-1834), "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" 1798