Dogs For Life

I remember a man who had been in the Labour Party since its inception; he had been involved as a suckling in the Independent Labour Party of 'O' Level History fame. He fought the good fight and eventually he was rewarded with - I think - a gold badge and life membership.

Now, the labour Party can be bought as much as any political organization, but i thought the patriots of the BNP were a bit different. After all they used the 'pigs in the trough' motif throughout the Euro elections.

Yes, another begging letter from Nick 'The grief' Griffin:

• Fellow Patriot,

  I am delighted to inform you of a very special invitation now open to you: the British National Party 'LIFE MEMBERSHIP' offer.

Ooh! Tell me more, Nicky, babe.

• This honour is being extended to a carefully selected group of British citizens, stalwart BNP members like you, and I would like to be the first to personally congratulate you for being among that special chosen group of people.

This is sounding like a Reader's Digest letter. Congratulations Mr ERICTHEFISH for being selected out of all the other blogs in T'INTERNET. Complete the enclosed form acknowledging your Aryan supremacy and post to us immediately. Just imagine that Golden swastika outside ERICTHEFISH TOWERS. Don't delay send them back today!

• Even our brave young soldiers, heroes all, cannot have a homecoming parade without being spat at on our streets by Muslim fanatics or Marxist UAF traitors.

This obviously happens every day in BNP world. No evidence just smears.

• Despite the tremendous progress we have made this year, we are still not strong enough to make a full assault on the corridors of power at Westminster, but soon we will be. You see, at this critical, early stage in our rise to power, it is more important than ever for friends, patriots and members like you to demonstrate your support. The more LIFE MEMBERS we have, the stronger our voices will be in defence of all we hold dear.

Assault on Parliament? Tanks on the lawn? Tell me more. But surely, like the gold membership scheme from a few months back, this won't be available to just any old Nazi. As you say in the initial paragraph 'carefully selected group of British citizens' (and not just crazies like me who signed up to the mailing list for a laugh).

• We have set the fee for LIFE MEMBERSHIP at £500, but if you respond to this written invitation right away, you can take advantage of this offer for the special invitation price of £395. This massive reduction is a token of my deep appreciation for your loyalty and hard work for the party.

Sounds too good to miss. Where's my cheque book? What else do we get?

• FREE top quality, exclusive, engraved watch, his or hers.
  FREE exclusive LIFE MEMBER pin badge to wear with pride and dignity.
  FREE lifelong subscription to new IDENTITY magazine 64pp. (£4.99)
  FREE lifelong 'annual party reports'. (£6.95)
  FREE complimentary copies of the party's magazine, Hope and Glory
  FREE prestigious LIFE MEMBER certificate parchment scroll for framing.
  FREE limited edition signed portrait of Party Chairman Nick Griffin MEP

My pen seems to have dried up! Parchment scroll? Imagine finding that when the grime busters break into the rat infested flat covered in animal faeces. A picture of Griffin? Mental.

But time is of the essence. This really is a once in a weektime offer.

• May I request that you respond to this offer as soon as possible, indicating whether or not you will be accepting my offer of LIFE MEMBERSHIP. (If you have to decline, please email us to notify us. This will allow us to keep our records up-to-date.)

BNP: the party that just keeps giving.