Barking Mad

Barking in London has many reasons to be proud: the brilliance of bard Billy Bragg, Bobby Moore, Brian Poole (of The Tremeloes fame), the innate wonderfulness of its punning possibilities, and proximity to the A13. Unfortunately, there is now a new kid on the block: Richard Barnbrook, the BNP representative on the London Assembly.

it's always a tricky question: do we ignore the racists or tackle them full on? I sometimes think a third way is called for - the 'hoisted-on-their-own-petard-or-ridicule' strategem (HOTOPOR).

As I prepare to watch the Liverpool v Man Utd game as a warm up for the real match of the day: Huddersfield v Tranmere, I thought I'd throw in some fun and games from Barnbrook's latest post on his Daily Telegraph blog. As Richard proudly boasts,

• here I am on the pages of a mainstream national newspaper

Yeh, well, rich, anyone can have a blog there - even Eric The Fish - even people wanting to write about table lampshade patterns. Hardly, breaking down boundaries. He continues his self-delusion:

• Times really are changing fast.

Not so much that Dylan's classic as there's a foul smell blowin' in the wind; that stench is coming from the lies that Barnbrook tells on his blog. Fortunately, quite a few are on the case. Whilst I make cheap, sarcastic points, others delve further.

For instance, in his latest offering to the world, 'Fiddling While London Burns', Tricky Dicky is on top form.

• While I have a spare half an hour I thought I would give you the details of today's proceedings during Mayor's Question Time.

• Obviously, I'm biased, but at 12:22 when it came to my input, I don't think the Mayor acquitted himself at all well responding that he was reluctant to give the oxygen to either the question or indeed the questioner when confronted with this:

  Can the Mayor comment on the shocking level of violence and intimidation directed towards Metropolitan Police Officers during this year's Notting Hill Carnival? Considering the astronomical costs, the policing bill alone exceeding £6 million, which falls upon the taxpayers of London, can the Mayor assure the people of this city that the suspension of this event is an option available to him?

Sounds like a good performance? Surely, nobody would be foolish to claim this when the proceedings are recorded and shown on the web? Step forward Barking's Coeur de Lying (well, if Mail readers can get away with Bliar, why can't I take the piss out of the lionheart moniker his Stormfront supporters have given him.)

5CC is quickly on to him:

• Cllr Barnbrook:
  
  You've left a couple of little bits out. Funny that.
  
  1. As well as saying he wouldn't stop the Notting Hill Carnival, the Mayor pointed out that it isn't in his power to stop it anyway.
  
  2. You had to have your rant off camera for bringing along some sort of banner or display that broke the rules.*
  
  3. While there may have been an 'embarassing row' between Conservatives, and the Mayor may have dealt with a question from Mr Qureshi rather swiftly, things were rather more swift and embarassing for you. After you struggled through your sets of figures, the Mayor's reaction was to say 'In the words of the famous Australian judge who said, "That, ladies and gentlemen, was the case for the prosecution,"' and make a toilet flushing motion. Pretty much the entire Assembly were laughing at you. Everyone should see the sorry affair over here www.london.gov.uk/webcast..., which begins at around 02.16.10 in the video. Priceless stuff. And rather a different image of the Councillor than he tries to paint here.
  
  *What was the display? Did it have anything to do with Mothers Again... whoops London's Mothers Against Knives? That would be using it to call for something that isn't made explicit on the petition, which would be pretty dishonest - so it can't be that, surely. Are you able to reassure people tempted to sign the petition that it won't be used to call for measures designed to target black people, or are you unable to because that's precisely what you intend to do?

The Fish wades in with the subtlety of a not very subtle thing:

• As Ronnie Barker said, 'There should be help for those who have problem with their worms.'
  He sounds like a drunken schoolboy trying to ask stupid questions at the School Council meeting because his mates have dared him.
  
  Boris uses bumbling to great effect; Richard just looks pathetic in the real sense.
  
  I think it is a shame they did not allow you to show off your new T-shirt. (London's Mothers Against Knives, the hijacked campaign)It makes a change from the sick coloured jacket. It must impress your supporters that you do not give in to mere rules like standing orders. Your orders! I'd have let you have your comfort blanket and do what all good teachers (such as yourself....ahem) do, and get you up in front of the class so people can ask you questions and Londoners can see what a clever boy they voted in.
  
  Boris said he did not wish to give you any oxygen of publicity echoing Thatcher's policy on the IRA. Maybe you could get an actor (or Simon 'pretty much' Darby) to do your voice over.
  
  Your extrapolation of figures over the arrests is mind-blowing. Instead of spending money on the Hadron Collider, we should be researching how your neurons are staggering around.
  
  Love the bit about people being 'hospitabilised' and 'disposal er..dispersal? Dispersal, thank you. dispersal will be at 9.30 am. There in black and white!'
  
  'I don't remember any St George's Day, I've been on 4 or 5......on the 3 ST George's Days I've been on...'
  
  Horses were 'humanly friendly'!!!
  
  '300 people were ambulanced'
  
  You see, the point of a supplementary question is that it picks up on the initial answer to your original question. A spontaneous response, which is a fine art. To ignore that Boris told you HE had NO power to ban it, shows ignorance and poor debating skills.
  
  You said in a previous post that you had prepared for this. How long, exactly, did you spend on rehearsing your spontaneous comments?
  
  I'm so glad that the sessions are recorded. Otherwise we'd only have your unbiased recollection of what happened, which bears no relation to reality. How about a proper transcription?
  
  And for the apologist who accused others of asking loaded questions - cop a load of the Brown Bombsite's final wayward, attempted hook at the Champion - the Henley Hitman - 'So you're quite happy to see an increase in arrests?'
  
  The Challenger (challenged?)hurt by the flushing manoeuvre from Boris, reels back on the ropes and the towel is thrown in. As Alan Minter would say, 'This boy don't know when he's beaten, Harry.'

Interesting stuff. The cameras did not show Barnbrook due to his petty gesture in wearing a T shirt with his BNP MAK motif. He then shows how inarticulate he is and is laughed at by all sections of the Assembly. The picture shows Mayor Boris Johnson demonstrating a toilet flushing gesture in answer to Barnbrook's waffled supplementary question. He was, apparently, referring to an Australian Judge who did the same when addressing the jury and saying, 'that ladies and gentlemen' is the case for the prosecution. Priceless Boris!

As I said before, keep up the good work, Agent Barnbrook: destroying credibility from within!