When Hatred Rules OK!

The Home Secretary Jack Straw announced that part of the new Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill there will be a proposal to include an offence of inciting homophobic hatred. Obviously the definition of this and the intention of the proposal will be debated and analysed when the Bill is given its reading in Parliament. It is expected to have a rough ride in the Lords.

So, let's contrast two newspapers covering the story.

Brand X states:

Inciting homophobic hatred will become illegal, the justice secretary, Jack Straw, announced last night, following a campaign by gay rights groups. The introduction of an offence of rallying hatred against gays and lesbians follows similar measures to tackle religious hate crime, which were passed earlier this year after lengthy rows over freedom of speech.
"It is a measure of how far we have come as a society in the last 10 years that we are now appalled by hatred and invective directed at people on the basis of their sexuality. It is time for the law to recognise this," said Mr Straw, introducing the second reading of the criminal justice and immigration bill.

The offence is technically defined as inciting hatred on the grounds of sexuality, protecting bisexuals and heterosexuals too. Mr Straw said he would consider whether protection should be extended to transgendered and disabled people.
The proposal is likely to run into opposition in the Lords. Evangelical Christian groups have argued that Christians who criticised gay sex could be jailed for up to seven years and warned it would be used to censor the expression of religious beliefs. A spokeswoman for the Ministry of Justice said: "The new law would not prohibit criticism of gay, lesbian and bisexual people, but it would protect them from incitement to hatred against them because of their sexual orientation."
Ben Summerskill, chief executive of the gay rights campaign Stonewall, said: "We refuse to accept that there's no connection between rap lyrics calling on people to kill homosexuals, or BNP literature describing gay people as paedophiles, and the epidemic of anti-gay violence taking place on Britain's streets."

Brand Y adopts the following approach: (my emphasis)

Stirring up hatred against homosexuals is to become a serious crime punishable with a seven-year jail sentence under a law announced last night.
The legislation - similar to laws already in force outlawing persecution on religious or racial grounds - will make criminals of those who express their views in ways that could lead to the bullying or harassment of gays.
The maximum sentence is longer than the average of around five years handed to rapists.

(Jim Davidson axed from Hell's Kitchen after calling gay Brian a 'shirt-lifter')
Firemen demoted and fined for shining torch on gay foursome in the bushes

The announcement widened the rift between opposing supporters of freedom of speech and gay rights.
Christian groups condemned it as "a law to allow Christians to be locked up for what they believe".
But the gay pressure group Stonewall said those who disapprove of homosexuals would have nothing to fear from the law if they express their views in a manner that is "temperate" and "polite".
Justice Secretary Jack Straw told MPs the gay harassment law will be included as an amendment to the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill currently going before Parliament, though ministers have yet to decide the wording.
Mr Straw said: "It is a measure of how far we have come as a society in the last ten years that we are now appalled by hatred and invective directed at people on the basis of their sexuality.
"It is time for the law to recognise this."
He raised the prospect of extending the law to cover to "transgendered" people and the disabled.
The new law aims to catch those who do not explicitly call for attacks or discrimination against homosexuals, as this is covered by existing incitement laws.
Instead, police will be allowed to pursue those who create an "atmosphere or climate" in which hatred or bullying can be fostered. Officials said it would not prohibit criticism of gay, lesbian and bisexual people or joke-telling.
The final decision over who has "crossed the line" will rest with the police.
Criminal legislation on gay harassment follows the recent Sexual Orientation Regulations which make discrimination against gays an offence against civil law.
Last night a CofE spokesman said: "We will be scrutinising any legislation to ensure that it safeguards the safety and rights of minorities without jeopardising wider concerns for freedom of expression, including the expression of religious faith."
But Stonewall chief Ben Summerskill said: "We are crystal clear that this is not about constraining anyone from expressing their religious views in a temperate way.
"It is about preventing people from inciting hatred, whether through the lyrics of rap musicians or Muslim organisations which hand out leaflets saying that all homosexuals are paedophiles."
• Parents will be told if a paedophile posing a threat to their child moves into their home or street under amendments to the Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill introduced last night.
But there is still no general right for parents to ask if there is a paedophile living in their neighbourhood, as demanded by "Sarah's Law" campaigners after the murder of Sarah Payne seven years ago.

No prizes for guessing that the first report was from today's Guardian and the second from the Daily Mail.

1. The Mail has a hidden agenda on homosexuality. You only have to see how obsessed Richard Littlejohn is with the subject to see this. Such stories are guaranteed to have Middle England choke on its Earl Grey tea and scones.
2. Note that the story is interrupted by the flagging up of 2 recent 'similar' stories - Jim Davidson being kicked out of a reality TV show and the fire brigade members that pursued some outdoor sex participants when on duty. This paints the picture (without explicitly saying so) that the offences will be trivial name calling or pranks.
3. The DM handily mentions that those found guilty (of an offence that hasn't been created yet or finalised) could get a maximum 7 years in jail, which is less than the average for rape. This is totally dishonest in comparing two disparate offences and different statistical measures. The ideas are forming in the DM mind already - rapists get less than smutty jokemakers.
4. The Mail's report itself quotes an official as saying, it would not prohibit criticism of gay, lesbian and bisexual people or joke-telling. This won't stop the ORTHs of the DM pleasure cruise. (=Only Read The Headline)
5. Christian groups condemned it as "a law to allow Christians to be locked up for what they believe". There is no reference given for this quote. What groups? The General Synod, or some lunatic fringe?

Indeed the Church of England is reported as taking the view,

"We will be scrutinising any legislation to ensure that it safeguards the safety and rights of minorities without jeopardising wider concerns for freedom of expression, including the expression of religious faith."

This is a world away from the first unattributed quote. The Church has every right to look at the issue and will of course be represented in the House of Lords by the Lords Spiritual. It is interesting to consider what the average DM reader thinks freedom of speech is. It certainly doesn't extend to getting a comment on its paper unless you agree with the line of the article. Smacks of Big Brother and Orwellian dark forces methinks....more of which later.

6. But Stonewall chief Ben Summerskill said: "We are crystal clear that this is not about constraining anyone from expressing their religious views in a temperate way. "It is about preventing people from inciting hatred, whether through the lyrics of rap musicians or Muslim organisations which hand out leaflets saying that all homosexuals are paedophiles."

Of course, as we shall see from our collection of gobshites on the comment section, they did not or would not read this last bit. Then the DM adds more spice by referring to paedophilia and Sarah's Law to subliminally cement the two together with the issue of homosexuality. Despicable.

Here's the people.............it's frightening that they are allowed to vote.

• The Thought Police are to make it a crime to incite hatred against gay people. Will this terrible government stop trying to control our minds and our thoughts. - John, Tendring, England

I like to believe that John is just a figment of my imagination. Either that or he has too much time on his hands (yeh OK pots and kettles...)

• I see the thought police are back.- Alan Beresford, Bury

Repeat after me......you will use DM phrases, Nu-Labour, 1984, thought police, political correctness...etc

• How long before Jack Straw brings in the thought police? If you want to make something worse Jack, bring in a law regarding it - don't you ever learn?- Peter, Huddersfield

Peter probably repeats catchphrases to famous people and thinks he is the first one. Garlic bread!

• I cannot make a comment, in case I`m locked up No free speech in `England` any more.- Roger Challinor, Stafford

So this letter doesn't exist you imbecile?

• The Thought Police are now a reality.You could get a shorter jail sentence for committing murder on Planet NuLabour.- Lickyalips, Richmond, Surrey

Who is this prick? Hiding behind unfunny pseudonyms (pots and kettles vol 2)

• Whatever next! The thought police are working really hard. I wonder how many more stupid laws they can bring in. No wonder the prisons are overflowing.- Jaqueline Dite, Cardiff, Wales
• George Orwell was completely accurate. Coming soon, a telescreen spy in every household.- John Allison, Lancashire

John, nobody wants to see any part of your grotty life once you go through the door of your Lancashire home.

• But if you commit murder or child abuse you get less time. Why do the words 'getting priorities wrong' ring in my ears.- Denise Ball, Oldbury, West Midlands.

Denise is not quite all there is she? Bless!

• UK democracy finally died 2007.Rest in peace.- Colin, Essex

The sad fact is that he's probably been saying this since 1997 and will continue ad infinitum.

• You're having a laugh, nobody gets that for murder these days. Do me a favour, stop being so stupid.- John Harrow, Kenton, Harrow

If anyone knows Mr Harrow from Harrow(!) point at him and laugh. It is not yet an offence under the Nu-Labour thought police!

• It has been a long time since the days when people were imprisoned in this country for stating what God says in His word that sin is sin whatever that sin may be. If this provision comes into effect in law we WILL be seeing Christian ministers in particular being sent to jail for declaring what GOD says in His word that sexual relations between people of the same sex are wrong. By the way when we read the gospels we see that Jesus went out of his way to meet and help all kinds of people particularly those who were seen as " the sinners " of their day. Jesus reserved his harsh words for the religious leaders because of their hypocrisy.- David, UK

David's sermon seems to go up in smoke with his second point rather pisses on his first! Still, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

• This is what happens when people replace civility and kindness with "political correctness". It is completely nonsensical.- Louise, Surrey

Civility would be inciting hatred then Louise? Please think before you spit.

• It comes to something when people can be jailed for seven years if they upset certain sections of society and murders are often out in half that time. So much for overcrowded prisons. There are far more important problems in the current world. Why can't the powers that be sort out the mess they have placed us in?- Ted Wallis, France

Ted, I'll buy you a glass of Claret if you can give me an example of that. 3 and a half years for murder. Not counting Jeffrey Archer's novels. Oh and I think you mean murderers.

• Has anyone told the thought police at the Ministry of Truth, sorry I mean Justice, that '1984' was a novel, a work of fiction, not a manual for Government?!- Paul, Melbourne, Australia

I'm losing the will to live but I must press on and give these morons the oxygen of free publicity. I like to think of them googling their names in front of friends and seeing what a disturbed blogger thinks of them. Like writing on someone's leaving card - We all hated you really now sod off! I'm so nasty. No wonder I have no friends.

Finally, Stuart from up the motorway has a message for Richard Littlejohn,

• I've always thought that people who are virulently homophobic have something to hide.- Stuart, Manchester, England

Poetry in Milan

Having just planned a trip to Derry in Northern Ireland I was reminded of the trip to Limerick earlier this year and the poetry reading at the White House. In view of this I thought I would inflict my poem written in Milan.

First sight of San Siro, you just cannot lick it,
Saturday's travail to obtain a ticket,
"The game's not on until the morrow,"
the security man said as he noticed my sorrow.

So I had to return in many hours time,
if I was to watch Milano's table climb.
Catania, my Catania; the sole fan exclaimed;
From the heel of Italia where they are famed.

Good specks for few Euros I eventually found,
at the Ultras part of the AC ground.
The vista was sweet and you didn't need specs,
And during the match - beer - but not Becks.

Becks could have come here - the fashion place!
His ultra-thin wife so oft shows her face.
She brandishes plastic and her perfume reeks
In the D & G kiosks and Prada boutiques.

Kaka made sure the tie was a draw,
and cushions remained where they'd sat before.
Campioni d'Europa were not their fans pleasing,
as the Sicily boys continued their teasing.

The jewels on the pitch are losing their crown,
The diamond formation is wearing a frown,
The Milanese princes spray passes that stray,
As Dario Fo mourns its struggling play.

The bright, yellow trams outside (wait in line)
for the Rosetti faithful to climb on and whine,
Only 1-1 against Mafia foe?
Tales of match-fixing and tales of woe.

The stadium's striped may share the same pitch,
and both sides may be in the league of the rich,
But the champion's tag is starting to look phoney,
Pay back time for Berlusconi.

Happy Birthday John Lennon

Thank you John for what you have given us all.

John Lennon (1940-1980)

The Real Vote Volume 2

Well, at least Dave Cameron will keep his job for another couple of years. He should be raising a glass or two to Gordon. Press speculation has been the prime mover of this story for weeks, but Gordon and team are guilty of errors too. I always thought it was an outside chance that there would be an election called; even Littlejohn predicted that he wouldn't take the risk. There were arguments to be had for going early but they were outweighed by the following:

1. The cautious Brown has waited 10 years for his destiny. Why jeopardise this by seeking an early mandate?


2. The constant calls for an election by opponents on the basis of his unopposed accession and coronation were historically dishonest. Major did not go to the nation after Thatcher was unceremoniously stabbed in the back; Callaghan clung on from 1976 until his Commons majority vanished.


3. Furthermore, our system (rightly or wrongly) is not a Presidential one. We elect individual MPs from parties that in turn select a leader. Subject to the Queen's (largely formal) prerogative, the leader of the party with the greatest number of seats is (usually) asked to form a Government.


4. Although nobody knows what is round the country (some economic problems seem likely) an extension gives GB the chance to show his political acumen in running the country, in the same way as he was instrumental in running the economy during the Blair tenure. Cameron looks weak here. His lack of experience (he doesn't show sign of ever having shaved!) should count against him.


5. It may be apocryphal but Labour does not like to fight winter elections. It was always felt that the core vote would not get out. Now that party allegiances have broken down somewhat this may be less of a problem. However, perception is important. Party activists do not like to canvass on dark nights as fewer people answer the door. in our hi-tec world, tub thumping and door stepping may be less crucial, but perception is again the key here.


6. After the Brown Bounce we had the baffling Cameron Comeback in the polls. This will not last. Brown is an experienced campaigner. He may lack the pulpit prose of his predecessor but he outdoes DC in terms of conviction. Just what does DC stand for? It changes with the wind. Quite how the Inheritance Tax issue has become important is a mystery. Johann Hari quite rightly pointed out on BBC News 24 today that it affects only 6% of the population. How has the other 94% suddenly become the great dispossessed. Labour's failure here has been to go onto the back foot instead of turning the argument on its head.

Indeed, prospective Tory candidate Debi Jones (ex-shrill shouty person from Radio Merseyside) said it was the biggest issue for people she spoke to! I intend to cover the Inheritance tax non-issue later. The thought of her and her mate Esther McVey being MPs in this area is enough to make me pack my bags (and take a holiday!). McVey, one of the trustees of the Fund Kate.... I mean Find Madeleine McCann appeal, is candidate in Wirral West and would be certain to win if an election were called now.

Anyway, as poor Mail readers have been prevented from having a chance to cast their votes, the paper allows them to do it online.

We Are Top of the League!

SOUTHEND UNITED 1 TRANMERE ROVERS 2

Goals from Chorley and Taylor lift the Mighty Whites to the summit of League 1 after Orient's thrashing at home by Swansea. The impressive Leeds juggernaut continues on, and without their 15 point deduction they would be running away with the league. However, it is great to see Tranny at the top, particularly after two disappointing home draws.

A win for Lewis Hamilton tomorrow will set the seal on a good weekend. Hertha Berlin was held to a 0-0 draw by Enerie Cottbus and missed a last minute penalty.

Dida He or Didn't He?

As this photo I took last week shows, Dida tends to fall over easily whether or not there's a Celtic fan touching him. Here, a ballboy had just asked for an autograph by tapping him on the shoulder a few minutes before.

The Guardian reports,

• The fall-out from Celtic's Champions League victory over Milan on Wednesday has moved to boardroom level, with the Italian club vociferously defending their goalkeeper, Dida. Uefa confirmed yesterday that disciplinary action will be taken against Celtic for failure to control their supporters after one fan ran on the field and gave Dida's face a slap just after the hosts' last-minute winning goal.

Eric in Milano

Eric (the Berlin Bear) was a bit upset at not having his photos on the main slideshows and thought they were lost. So, here they are. Eric wishes to point out that the beer consumption was spread over 5 days and there is a definite UFO seen from the plane (prior to any wine being served).

What Would Gradgrind Say?

I had a good day. I thought I had deleted my photos from my mobile phone when I transferred them to the PC. Nothing special, apart from my conclusive evidence that UFOs exist. [A pedant writes: but Eric, as much as I love your blog, surely UFOs by their very nature exist as a semantic entity in so far as...]
Anyhow I managed to get them back so the truth is now out there. but I digress....

Today's startling sensationalism comes in the form of this:

• A £100 prize for truants if they turn up for school tests

In my day, we had tests at the age of 14 prior to the start of the dreaded 'O' levels. They were not part of a Government League Table campaign. Not everyone turned up for every end of year exam. Even at a school of excellence counting at least one First Lord of the Treasury and a Film director as alumni, there were bad boys; they pretended to have coughs and sniffles when the reality was different. They were putting it on! I saw then the future of European football. Events at Celtic Park this week confirm my darkest fears. I warned people in Milan when I was there last week but obviously my counsel was ignored and Dada continued the trend of dishonesty that only really began with the advent of NuLab in May 1997.

If only the miscreant of the hoops that produced the greatest knockout since Ali in Zaire had been given the chance of winning £100. In Planet DM he would be earning that in 10 minutes by drug dealing or benefit fiddling. In the DM wet dream he will have Polish heritage, disregarding the the nationality of Messrs. Boruc and Zurawski.

Anyway, it may seem wrong to seemingly reward good behaviour while those that toe the line get zilch. There is an another argument as to whether constant testing and tabling hinders teaching professionals from increasing standards, and of course, how we measure success.

However, in the case in the article, the actual cost is minimal. It is tantamount to offering a lottery bonus ball ticket with a maximum payout of £100. This does not stop the morons of DM Land pontificating without reading or understanding the article:

• What next - paying criminals not to commit crimes?- Adrian, Reading, UK

I'd like to think that Adrian was a figment of my imagination and a symptom of too many beers but I fear he is only too real. Adrian, you must scare people with your reasoned and incisive comment.

• Why not fine them £100 if they 'don't' turn up?All they are doing is rewarding kids for doing wrong!- Sl, North Yorkshire

Sl, you should be Lord Chancellor. Prick.

• How about throwing them into a tough no nonsense boot camp if they don't turn up?- Jo, London

Either this is a wind up or this idiot is obsessed with reality TV. Short sharp shock. Never did me no 'arm, guv. How about you shutting the fuck up, Jo? Come back when you have some constructive points relative to the story. Or, maybe this is your answer to everything. Global warming? How about throwing them into a tough no nonsense boot camp? Aphids on your roses? How about throwing them into a tough no nonsense boot camp..?

• Absolutely ridiculous! Why not fine the parents of truants £100 for each test they miss? Should be easy enough to deduct from their benefits.- Julie, Fethiye, Turkey

This is outrageous on more than one front:

1. The £100 figure shows the lack of thought Julie puts into her post.
2. She assumes all pupils missing the tests (or truanting) comes from a low income family on benefits
3. She pontificates from Turkey. Hardly a shining argument for educational brilliance given its struggle with past sexist history.

• Once one received prizes for achieving academic excellence.This is - publishable words fail me - pathetic in the extreme.The next step will be to tell intelligent pupils to cool it - for fear that they are disencouraging the dumb and lazy ones.- Dr Mike Bent, Spain

Dr Mike wades in. Always be wary of people who are so proud of their qualifications. I could put some after my name, but I am always reminded of a former Uni tutor who told me how he got preferential treatment on aircraft by virtue of his PhD without ever pointing it out on his passport. He worried that his specialism in Dialectical Materialism in Sub Saharan Africa may not be much use in the event of a loss of cabin pressure. Dr Mike has awards for academic excellence! He lives in Spain. He refers to people as 'dumb'. Not so much Bent as Warped. By the way Doc, I think you'll find the word is 'discouraging'.

• This is the height of stupidity.They will be paying all children to go to school next.What an endightment of the Labour educational policy.- C W Andrews, Sussex

Endightment? Did you go to a school that allowed you to make words up? Perhaps if you had the opportunity to win £100 you would have used the word 'indictment'. See me after class, Andrews Major.

• Pleased to know that the taxes wrested back from my hard earned pension are going to be spent on such a 'worthy' cause. Ridiculous!- Freddie, Northants

Please give authority for your wild claims, Frederick. No lottery ticket until then, mate!

• Sounds good, how about giving the long term unemployed a £5000 bonus for turning up at a job interview?!- Jb, Gosport, Hampshire

Now the completely bitter and twisted arseholes crawl out. Jb, I wouldn't want you working for or with me. Perhaps you secretly crave the £5000. Sarcasm is only a weapon in the hands of those with the knowledge of how and when to use it. You will never make it in the sandwich business as you spread it too thickly.

• This is outrageous and encourages truancy.- Tammy, Milton Keynes UK

Tammy from MK encourages hyperbole and ranting without reason. Discuss. Anyone not competing the assignment will be entered into the draw for a night out with Tammy. Second prize is 2 nights with Tammy............OK old joke.....

• Typical, stupid Labourite woolly thinking. If I was a pupil I would start becoming a truant so I could be entered into the draw. Where does the money come from? Taxpayers, again!- Diane Baker, Devon, UK

Labour's fault again! Diane does not have free thought. She would skive off school for the CHANCE of £100. Cheap or what? I think you'll find Ms Baker that pupils have more self-worth than you. How much is your house worth now, Di?

• They'll just turn-up to claim the £100, they won't care about the test itself! So why bother? It's their lives and if they want to be losers so be it.- Adam, Leeds, UK

Adam has clearly formulated a manifesto for happiness; he is often to be found expounding his crass views on this forum. He does not like many people. Adam, read the articles before you post. Then you wouldn't look like a complete tosser. I try to put across answers to these people on the DM comments section. I do not use the sarcasm, irony, wit (?), or abuse I use here. I use only reasoned arguments. Yet, despite the claims of the DM I do not get published. Of course if you are part of the usual suspects of Weems, Mark from Poplar, Adam, Leeds, Adolf from the National Vigilante Organisation et al, you are guaranteed publication. This is the case even if your comment is as meaningless as:

• Which lunatic thought of this?- Fred, UK

I NEED TO HAVE A LIE DOWN IN A DARKENED ROOM NOW.

Now, what I want is, Facts. Teach these boys and girls nothing but Facts. Facts alone are wanted in life. Plant nothing else, and root out everything else. You can only form the minds of reasoning animals upon Facts: nothing else will ever be of any service to them. This is the principle on which I bring up my own children, and this is the principle on which I bring up these children. Stick to Facts, sir!"

Thomas Gradgrind in Hard Times by Charles Dickens.

If only the Daily Mail actually dealt in real facts.

If only the Daily Mail readers could look beyond the 'facts' of the DM and look for truth and analysis.

Wonderful Christmastime

We will soon have the usual right wing lies about councils 'banning' Christmas when the facts do not hold up. It happens every year and panders to the DM readers' 'everything is shit' beliefs.

Firstly, we have some preliminary scaremongering about Xmas lights. So Xmas hasn't been banned after all. The Mail is never one to let hypocrisy or misinformation get in the way of a good moan.

The headline, like a lot on Planet DM, is written by someone who hasn't read or written the article. I think it is a game they play in the office.

• The first town in Britain to put up its Christmas lights - with just 81 days to go!

Gosh, how ludicrous! But wait gentle reader, what are the facts?

• Businesses in the town pay for the electricity to power the lights, which will be officially switched on at a ceremony on November 23.
  The lights first blinked into life on Monday and were on again last night as proud town council representatives toured the display.

Now, we can argue that it may be a bit premature to put them up but they are not actually on, only in preparation. I'm the first to lambast the idiots that put up grotto displays on their houses requiring surges on the National Grid and that can be seen from Neptune, but this is another non-story.

I wondered why they weren't having a go at the looney lefties on the council for wasting tax payer's money. No mention at all. Here's why:

• Local government elections took place on 3rd May 2007 in Leighton Buzzard and Linslade. The constitution of the Town Council is now Conservative 16, Liberal Democrat 5. No Labour candidates were elected.



• Following the District Council Election on Thursday 3 May 2007, the constitution of the District Council is now Conservative 34, Liberal Democrat 12 and Labour 4.

Macca Back

Paul McCartney is to top the bill at the Liverpool Sound concert at Anfield, home of Liverpool F.C. on June 1st 2008 as part of the Capital of Culture Celebrations. I have now registered for the ballot for tickets and hope to be successful. what annoys me is that they will be so hard to get compared to his last concerts at the Kings Dock as there is reduced capacity and no doubt the scroungers and eBay traders will be first in the queue. Real fans like me may miss out. If I find out Kerry Katona gets a ticket I'm going to do something commendable.

The draw takes place on 19th October so they'll have the interest on the money for 7 months. In addition there is a booking fee of 12%!! Given the fact that the best tickets are £75 this is a serious amount. Robbing bastards. If you're reading this Paul (and I know you do) please send a couple of backstage passes for the real fan. Failing that, how about a more intimate gig at Prenton Park?

Hulme Hall Anniversary
Ringo Starr

We Don't Need No Education

Following on from the story blaming Labour for the decrease in marriage, here's another one stirring up criticism of education under Labour.

The piece starts off as standard fare about a test set up by Learndirect, the Government funded organisation that helps people attain basic qualifications and skills. The test was similar to one I had to take before being allowed to do the European Computer Driving Licence (ECDL). I was a bit miffed as I have quite a few formal qualifications but hey ho, we all had to do it. Mine actually went on for about an hour and got progressively harder. It reached GCSE standard and I had a headache afterwards. I was pleased to get the top marks ever at the centre (how modest, Eric). I also understand that such tests are given to long term unemployed jobseekers regardless of whether they have a PhD or nothing.

The questions used in the article are quite simple but I know from experience that it is easy to make elementary errors (you should see me mark the board at darts).

Although the piece is in a quite light-hearted vein, there is a serious problem with basic literacy in the UK and shows the great divide between those with qualifications and those without. There is a separate argument over the standard of examinations and possible downgrading of qualifications but I shall leave that for another time.

This is not a new phenomenon; not even a Nu-Labour phenomenon. That doesn't stop the DM sheep from obeying the whistle. I love it when people talk about failing educational standards and then commit semantic suicide in the comments section. Any mistakes I make are of course down to typos or the German beer I was drinking.

My problem is not with the article; it says very little and is a mere window filler. It is written by Laura Clarke, who usually writes on education. This is merely regurgitating a press release and is more suitable for a local free sheet.

Learndirect is an admirable concept. Its remit is outlined on its website:

• learndirect has been developed by Ufi (University for industry) with a remit from government to provide high quality post-16 learning which:
  Reaches those with few or no skills and qualifications who are unlikely to participate in traditional forms of learning;
  Equips people with the skills they need for employability, thereby strengthening the skills of the workforce and increasing productivity;
  Is delivered innovatively through the use of new technologies.

Note that the organisation deals with school leavers, a lot of whom are well past the leaving age. The problem of adult literacy has been with us for some time. In the 1970s there was the TV programme On The Move. The story attracted 50 (mostly) sneering comments:

• I am over 60 and found this quiz to be childishly simple. Another example of how Labour has devalued education in England to the point where it is virtually non-existent.- Paul Ward, Beijing, China

So childishly simple that you didn't read the accompanying article. Where does it say that only people educated under Attlee, Wilson, Callaghan and Blair were tested? If you look at it logically only a few people who started school in say 1997 would be eligible for learndirect courses.

Although the study, conducted by Manchester University, does not specifically say that it targeted those on learndirect courses, it is clear that it is ADULTS that are targeted.

• And I had thought that young Americans were stupid! Stupidity seems to be and issue in the UK, as well. If a 60 year old male can answer these trivial questions without a pause, what is wrong with the younger generation? I suspect that government education is at fault. I'm sure that George Orwell would have agreed.- Cliff, Duluth, Minnesota USA

I got all the questions right but if you asked me, 'What the hell is this American Idiot on about?', I'd have a problem. George Orwell?

• Having just scanned through these mentally (including the so-called 'maths')before seven in the morning (I get up before six every day), I am astounded. What age groups of pupils are we talking about? The maths questions look nothing like the quadratic equations, trigonometry and basic Calculus we were expected to be competent in thirty-five years ago at the age of sixteen.- Dr Mike Bent, Spain

Doc, read the story and you'll see there is no mention of pupils. what is your doctorate in? Sangria drinking? The article is about BASIC numeracy and literacy which are useful in everyday life. If you wish to show off about how you studied calculus, be good as to post a comment in a relevant section. English comprehension wasn't your strongest subject. Truly remarkable example of shouting your mouth out without engaging the brain. Doh!

• This is the result of 10 years of Blair's efforts at "education, education, education". It's totally pathetic.- Mark, England

This is only part of Mark's wisdom. He tells us how clever he is in the rest of it. So clever that he cannot do the maths - if I am 5 in 1997, Mark, in 2007 how old am I? Prick!

Hang on, what's this?

• Well, I got all the English questions correct but only 3 out of 8 for maths. I've always struggled with maths and I don't think it was helped by the fact that back in the 80s I had very poor teachers in secondary school from the second year onwards.- Sassie, Scotland
  

But surely, and help me out here Mark, Labour lost power in 1979 and didn't retake No. 10 until May 2007. Maybe the teachers were educated under Labour then.

The last word, I think, should go to Charlie.

• re: what time do you get home after the pictures?I always stop off for some chips on the way home so I added 15 minutes to my answer- Charlie, London

Labour Promotes Sin

For some time now it has become apparent that more people are shunning marriage in favour of (to use the vernacular) 'living over the brush'. This is something we have all known. There are various reasons so one would expect them to be explored in today's Mail article. Well, of course, nobody expects. You just imply that it is the fault of the Labour Government. Hence the headline:

• Number of co-habiting couples soars by two thirds under Labour

The article merely quotes a lengthy series of stats to add weight (padding) to the story. It is hard to know what is actually being said.

• Between 1996 and 2006 cohabitation soared by 65 per cent to 2.3 million couples while the number of married couples fell 4 per cent to 12.1 million.

Obviously the Mail has had to rely upon figures for the decade commencing 2006 as they will probably be the ones available. This does lead one to suspect that the trend had already started as John Major's Boycottesque innings was coming to a close. Still, we get the general gist - everything that is bad only happens when the Commies are in power.

Leaving aside the notion as to whether being married actually makes one a better person, or the relationship more valid, the Mail then turns on one of its favourites:

• Lone parent families, including those with non-dependent children, increased eight per cent to 2.6 million over the same period, according to the Office for National Statistics' (ONS) Focus on Families report.

Of course lone parents include those who have divorced, separated or widowed. The trick is to lump them all together (in itself quite correct) and let the minds of the DM crowd translate into depictions of single mothers on benefit. Ordinarily, that would seem to be stretching it and I could be criticised for over egging the tiramisu. In the context of Planet Mail, however, it is one small step for Mailkind; one giant leap for imagination.

Then we have the startling revelation that actually:

• Lone parent families, the majority of them single mothers, account for 24 per cent of households with dependent children. This figure has risen only slightly from 1996 when it was 21 per cent, the ONS said.

Furthermore, the DM, to be fair, tells us more of the report's contents:

• "The fact that cohabitation is more prevalent at younger ages reflects both the fact that cohabitation is often a precursor to marriage and a greater acceptance of cohabitation among younger generations," the report says.

This is as I expected. What I would have liked was an analysis of the reasons for the change. The above point is obviously a major one as a lot of us will have grandparents ho could tell of the stigma of being born out of wedlock or pre-marital sex (I always thought that was a quick one with the chief bridesmaid before the ceremony but that's just my filthy mind!). Indeed, anyone that watched the BBC's excellent Who Do You Think You Are? where celebrities trace their ancestry, will have noticed the 'skeletons in the cupboard' and in some cases, illegitimate children and mothers were banished. (see also Angela's Ashes set in Limerick, Ireland).

Is the Mail suggesting we should return to this situation? It constantly bemoans the fact that young girls get pregnant to get benefits and council housing, claims which are way off the mark.

I was surprised that no mention was made of the tax implications of being married as opposed to cohabiting. I'm no accountant (I wanted to be a lion tamer but graduated to the legal profession by way of a Pythonesque step) so over to BBC contributor Chas Roy-Chowdhury Head of Taxation, Association of Chartered Certified Accountants:

• If you are thinking of getting married do it for love, not for any tax benefit - you would have to really scratch your head to try and find any big tax advantages to being married.
  The problem is that governments, of whichever party, decided many years ago that we should have all taxpayers treated separately for tax purposes.
  Hence the principle which existed in the past, that the husband and wife were a single taxable entity, has been systematically dismantled.

The Tories ("Party of the Family" Registered TM) have recently looked at a vote winning package of tax concessions for those willing to say, "I do vote Conservative". Here's Dave Boy Cameron in July this year,

• "If we get the family right, we can fix our broken society.
  Britain is almost the only country in Europe that doesn't recognise marriage in the tax system and the benefits system actively discourages parents from living together.
  We have the highest rate of family breakdown in Europe and we have the worst social problems in Europe. Don't tell me these things aren't connected."

And at the Party Conference, the Quiet Man himself, called for tax breaks for married couples. His speech (together with IDS's customary frog in the throat can be seen here.

There is an argument for a return of some form of allowance for partners in the tax system; most financial responsibilities are joint, for example, mortgages. However, the Mail passes up the opportunity. The article,I think, is very poor. It merely prints a few figures in a cut-and-paste job (as I do ahem! but I don't get paid for it because I am arguing in my spare time!)

The article ends with the alarming claim that,

• Between 1976 and 2004 the proportion of women aged 18 to 49 who were not married and were cohabiting trebled from nine per cent to 23 per cent, the report says.

Ah, 1976. That'll be Jim Callaghan's fault then.

5pm Update

Here's Jacqui............

• Like everything else with this Government.- Jacqui Weems, Southampton

Jacqui, you really are a whining old moron. Your one-liners are on a par with Syd Little. Read the sodding article before showng your ignorance.

Shut That Bloody Door

Tories pledge cut number of immigrants coming into Britain

Regardless of the poor grammar, the Daily Mail must have been salivating at the thought of the Tory heir apparent, David Davis making a speech about their raison d'etre.

Again I would say that it is a risky road to travel down for the Tories. The Labour Party has positioned itself (as far as policy is concerned) in such a way as to check any major assault. This is not popular with the left but it makes sense when looking at political expediency. We have to bite the bullet, grasp the nettle and use other idioms.

So, here's Davey...

• The Shadow Home Secretary vowed to shut Labour's open door policy which is swelling the population by nearly 200,000 a year.

Notice the use of the phrase, 'open door', which has been abused to the hilt over recent years; hence the constant refrain of Mail readers of pulling up the drawbridge on Castle Albion. But Davis has compassion. Witness his desire to eradicate inequality in the armed forces:

• Then the other great failure. While they are letting in too many people who shouldn't be here, they slam the door on those we should be helping. Like the Gurkha who won a Victoria Cross fighting for Britain. Don't we have a moral duty to protect people like him?

A laudable cause and not the least bit populist. The respected lawyer Phil Shiner sums up the plight of the Gurkhas and how they have been treated by EVERY Government:

• "The Gurkhas have been discriminated against by the British for years and treated disgracefully. (It is) 'Colonial racism' "They are paid less, have much smaller pensions, less prospects of promotion and worse redundancy terms." .....Another example was that while a British soldier could have his wife and family with him when he is posted abroad, a Gurkha is allowed only three years' family leave out of 15 years of service.

Ironically, the barrister representing the interests of the Gurkhas in this particular case was one Cherie Booth QC. Wicked Witch, Mr Littlejohn? What have YOU done to help the cause? Exactly. No further questions, M'lud.

It was a Labour Government that presided over a change in law to aid their cause. On the 8th March 2007, it was announced that all Gurkhas who signed up after July 1st, 1997 would receive a pension equivalent to that of their British counterparts. Of course, this did not help those serving before the cut off date. However, did the Tories attempt this when in powe

• The Government last week admitted that net immigration is running at two-hundred thousand every year.

Of course, this figure is not acceptable to some deranged Mail readers. Exhibit A

• I think it is a gross underestimate to say that 200,000 immigrants are swelling the population - more like 2,000,000!- June O'Brien, London England
  

I'm always suspicious of anyone who needs to say they are from London, England. It is a very American trait. Just in case we mistake it with London, Ohio..........USA. She thinks it is a gross underestimate so she adds an arbitrary nought to multiply by ten. June, do me a favour and come back when your IQ reaches double figures without creative accountancy.

Another point to be made (courtesy of Wikipedia):

• The nationality status of Gurkhas and their families was also previously an area of dispute, with claims that some ex-army Nepalese families were being denied residency and forced to leave Britain. The new policy on Gurkhas (announced by the British Government on 8th March, 2007) guarantees residency rights in Britain for retired Gurkhas and their families.
  


• A considerable number of ex-Gurkhas and their families live in Hong Kong, where they are particularly well represented in the private security profession (G4S Gurkha Services Ltd, Pacific Crown Security Service, Sunkoshi Gurkha Security Limited) or labourers.
  In July 2006, British authorities granted full British citizenship to all Nepalese and their dependants serving the British army during its stays in Britain's colonial territories namely Malaysia, Singapore, Hong Kong and among other former territories, entitling them a full privilege to stay and work in the United Kingdom. According to the press secretary approximately there are 140,000 eligible to application.

This is one of my major bugbears with the Tories. Whilst we can all understand some of the stories they relate, it is hypocrisy for them to slate the Labour Government when they did nothing. We can all be critical of the NHS, the railway system, low wages or the housing problem; we can all have a legitimate swipe at Labour for its failures. However, we should always remember which party opposed the creation of the National Health Service, told us the minimum wage would cause businesses to collapse, privatised everything that moved (on tracks or otherwise) and sold off public sector housing.

More Davisspeak:

• This is "New" New Labour. Soundbite by Brown, Policy by Prada.

I really don't understand this bit. I passed by Prada in Milan last week and am none the wiser. Does he mean Pravda? The only Brown that sprang to mind was Mel B of the Spice Girls (I'm informed they are a popular girl combo).

Another (shooting fish in a barrel) quote from Vox Mailus Populi (my O Level Latin didn't stretch to conjugating this correctly so I have visions of The Life Of Brian: 'Romanus eunt domus'.

• Not before time. They must also ensure the SUCCESSFUL closure of the illegal immigration routes.- Bill, Saint Quay Portrieux, France.

Yeh, stop all those foreigners getting in to....er......France! Just think this pillock probably has a vote in UK elections.

• At last this is the statement we whant to hear, now carry it out, nevermind the political objecters.- Naughton Dunn, Marbella

Excuse me? whant? Spain? Garlic Bread? Nevermind was a Nirvana album (popular 90s beat combo).

• About time too. To many free loaders coming in taking the houses that we are already short off. Around the world we are seen as being to easy, stop paying them benefits and you will see them start leaving in their droves!- Mark, Lincoln

As I outlined in a previous post it is a myth that we are seen as a soft touch or the place to go. Whilst we can always find anecdotal evidence to support this conjecture, it falls down in the face of the facts. We are not the top destination of choice for asylum seekers/immigrants (even allowing for this lumping together).

• Nu Labour's immigration policy is not so much a policy, as a sanctioned invasion!- Marilyn Havers, London, UK

Any relation to Nigel, or Lord Hailsham? Watch out Marilyn, they're coming for you!

Perhaps the final point should be left to blogger Iain Dale:

• I leave Blackpool more optimistic about the future than I have been for a long time. Gordon Brown will know the Tory Party is back - and back with a vengeance. Brown has a real dilemma now. If he calls an election he loses, and if he doesn't call an election he loses.

Hmmm. we shall see!

AC Milan 1 Catania 1

True Blue Colours

This was a story I heard about as I was travelling back home from Italy. I just knew it would attract a comment along the lines of the one from a DM reader in Leeds:

• Once again the humour has been driven out of our lives, I despair for all of us.- Audal, Leeds

I've a real suspicion that the person making the comment, in common with so many others, only read the headline:
Tories accused of racism over Web photo of blacked-up aide and did not bother t continue down the page. How else would a rational person make such a crass comment when as the story points out:

• Philip Clarke, who works in Parliament for the former Attorney General Lord Lyell, called the woman a "N***** Minstrel" alongside the picture on Facebook.

The intriguing bit is the initial reaction of the culprit (assuming the DM story is accurate). He is quoted as saying he could not remember whether he had written the caption or someone had hacked into his Facebook entry. Mr. Clarke you sound like a complete twat and you and the Tories deserve each other. I can't remember writing that last sentence or whether my doppelganger (who used to get me into trouble at school) has found my blogspot password (mea culpa for using doppelganger as the password!). Eventually, he admitted it. Apparently, he had a word with Mrs Thatcher who told him of a miracle cure for Alzheimer's her friend Augusto had given her.

• A Tory spokesman said: "Racism is completely unacceptable and has no place in the Conservative Party."

So, we'll just select Boris 'picaninnies' Johnson as mayoral candidate.

Milan: September 2007

Milan Part 1

After a few days away in Italy, I thought I'd put some photos on the blog. I hope to write up my travelogue notes shortly. The first photos of are mostly of the Cathedral (Duomo) but I will put up a separate slideshow of the AC Milan v Catania match.

The Real Vote

As the tabloids salivate over the prospect of an election, the DM (less sure of the need for a test of Brown's mandate now the Tories are in disarray) the DM has the answer. A poll over whether the girl in the photo is Madeleine! truly a Littlejohn 'you could not make it up' moment! Next week - Does God exist?, Is this the Loch Ness Monster?, and Did the man on the grassy knoll kill JFK?

At the time of writing 55% say YES. The other 45% believe Tony Blair abducted her no doubt.

Then, breaking news...what do we have here? Journalists seem to manage to track down the alleged girl. I wonder why Team McCann did not fly over to Morocco?

Still, there are remaining experts:

• I have my doubt that the little girl pictured is Bushra, because her hair is parted on the opposite side, the hair consistency is different, and it appears shorter than in the picture taken by the spanish woman. I can't say if it is Madeline or not, although the similarites are certainly there, so I think it needs to be investigated thoroughly.- Sue, Harrisburg, USA


• Hopefully someone from Interpol has actually located this family and seen the child for himself to judge the truth of her origins.- Dawn, England

The story seems to have died a death. This does not stop the DM continuing to run a scare story about travellers. Is this a start of a renewed attack on Romany folk, travellers, gypsies? I await stories of litter caused on common ground. What an evil bunch of bastards the DM staff are. How do you sleep?

Oh, and Kerry Katona isn't pregnant anymore as it is reported that she lost the alleged 6 week old foetus. I'm not plaing down the trauma of miscarriage but I am more than a little sceptical of KK's rush to share every minute of her life with us. More publicity though, so she and Max Clifford haven't lost their fertile grasp on the media. Mum of the Year and Spokesperson are said to be doing fine.

STOP PRESS

As predicted above, the backlash against travellers has begun. The DM has another story here.
I'm not commenting on the veracity of the story itself or the legitimacy of the candidate's stance ("I'm not a racist....") without further information but the fact remains that a pattern is emerging. As I tire of saying, individual stories may be justifiable but set against the agenda of the DM and the constant tide, it becomes victimisation. The reader is invited to make the necessary conclusions without looking at the content too much.

In Defence of Victoria

I never thought I'd say that volume 341

The DM loves celebrity even if it is just so they can hoist them up to pull them down; clay pigeon shooting for the hard of thinking. But today, they have gone too far! They print 2 pictures of Victoria Beckham and try to draw the conclusion that she has taken fashion trips from friend Tom Cruise because he has recently filmed a Nazi themed work.

Exhibit A

Remind me..............Daily Mail supported whom pre-war? Oswald Moseley? You couldn't make it up. Next week, The Sun tells us how it pointed out the LIES about Liverpool all along. I'm always worried about putting a pic of a Nazi on the blog as the BNP bots are trawling. But, I don't give a shit about you racist twats. I've visited a concentration camp; no further questions your honour. The prosecution rests!

This might pass for journalism in the DM but it is vile.

BTW if Victoria's PR people are watching, my friend in Japan has loved the Beckhams ever since the World Cup was held there. Autographs appreciated. Also, Tranmere may need a midfielder in the next few years. I am going to Milan this week but it cannot compare to the catwalk of Birkenhead. Sporty knows the score; final Spice Girls concert at the local British Legion. This would kill off any accusations of siding with the enemy

McCann photo Update

Minutes after completing the previous post, the BBC TV news and Guardian led on a possible photograph being found in Morocco. The photos are not clear but it seems to show a fair haired girl. Coincidence? Or genuine breakthrough?

UPDATE WEDNESDAY

There is something not right about the photo. Seems too clear of child but not of others. Photoshop experts may be able to confirm/dismiss this. Why is a (now) 4 yr old girl being carried?

Why is this being released now, just after supposed Morocco sightings in May? Clarence Mitchell is quick to say he won't comment on these matters but he is there for a purpose: Brian Clough used to say that defence was the best form of attack. For Mitchell, attack is the best form of defence.