Showing posts with label Tranmere. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Tranmere. Show all posts

All's Not Well With Attwell



Saturday's result against the Posh of Peterborough (now thankfully free of threats from Mrs Beckham over copyright) was one we would have settled on before K.O. but there's always a disappointment when squandering a 2 goal lead in true Tranmere fashion.

The bizarre happenings at Watford, where the visitors, Reading were awarded a goal when the ball was closer to the corner flag than the goal line. The video was on Youtube but seems to have been removed due to pressure from The Football League, and no doubt the referee, Stuart Attwell (aged 25) will be subject to sanctions whilst the FA and FL make money out of end of season blooper DVDs.

However, it is still here.

What I'm annoyed at is the fact that most of the flak appears to be directed at the young ref rather than the linesman (assistant referee/flag production manager). The Mirror, in its paper edition leads - albeit on page 25 - with ' He doesn't shoot...he scores anyway' and goes on to inform us that Attwell escaped the attention of the tabloid hounds and 'went on holiday.'

Online, Alistair Grant salivates, 'Calamity ref Stuart Attwell and his hapless sidekick Nigel Bannister will be carpeted by referees' chiefs after making one of the worst blunders in football history.'

Well, surely there's some fair play left in sport notwithstanding the high stakes? Ah, no this is professionalism. Remember that when you inadvertently touch the cue ball at pool and hope the opponent didn't notice; it is just the hallmark of a professional.

Steve Coppell, Reading manager, was quoted as saying that when playing cricket he was first to walk without waiting for the umpire's finger. I don't doubt Coppell's honesty. He was a true professional and I am privileged to have seen many of his games for Tranmere Rovers, before he was stolen by the behemoths of Manchester United. He has also suggested replaying the game.

As football fans we are biased; we should not be relied upon to be objective, in the same way as murder victims' families should not be on juries. Our tribal instincts take over. We cast a Nelson telescope to our rose-coloured spectacles and see no offside until we want to.

In 2000, the Mighty Whites of TRFC received a charitable donation from referee Rob Harris in our cup game with Sunderland. Having sent off Clint Hill (not a singular occurrence) we (ahem) forgot to bring off a player as we made a substitution. Did we complain about our breach of rules? No, we sat in the pub praying that John Aldridge would take legal counsel before giving his post-match interview.

Similarly, did the hosts of the 1966 World Cup and supporters demand the upholding of the English sense of fair play when the Azerbajhan (or Russian) linesman, Tofik Bakhramov signalled that Hurst had scored? Who now remembers the name of the Swiss referee?

They won't be erecting a statue for Attwell in his hometown of Nuneaton. Nor will they be doing the same for the actual linesman, Neil Bannister. If you're going to make a mistake, do it big.

Top of the league!

Tranmere Rovers 2 Luton Town 1

(Curran, Kay) (Furlong)


It may not last as teams like Orient play tomorrow. However, it is good to be top and this is one of the benefits of Friday Night matches at home. It is part of our heritage. I remember listening to a commentary on Radio Wales when we played Wrexham in the 80s. Not being able to understand the Welsh language I was glued to the speaker as I made out the odd word. Now and again you could make out...Ronnie Moore. Then one memorable phrase, 'Friday night is Prenton night'. This stuck with me. The passion that is sadly lacking in some home games, comes alive as the floodlights shine out.

Tonight's game was a case in point. We were not impressive for the whole game. Luton stole an early goal and were the team most likely in the early part of the second half.

My positivity is providing dividends. I have used my succubus powers to take away Noel Edmonds's life forces in order to ensure TRFC start winning games in the last 10 minutes. Whenever Deal or No Deal is on, I am able to use my negativity to produce the big money boxes. This is because anyone that gets to appear on this show is either deranged, a gambling addict, believer in fairies or has the time to be holed up with greedy people.

Anyway, it is wonderful to look down on our opponents, albeit for a short time. Leeds won again and have clearly reacted like a wounded beast as they continue to rise up the table. I thought they were somewhat fortunate to take all three points in the first game of the season at Prenton Park, but Wise seems to have channelled some of the energy of the anger about the points deduction into a united force. Maybe the bookies in Yorkshire are sweating a little. Leeds continue to court our star player Steve Davies. If they do manage to coax him, this will leave a sour taste in the mouth.



My camera phone pic from tonight.



Tranmere 0 Morecambe 1

Johnstone's Paints Trophy






TRANMERE ROVERS 0 MORECAMBE 1


This is a cup for the hard of winning. We did reach the Final of its predecessor (Leyland DAF) in those heady days of the 1990s winning versus Bristol Rovers and losing an enthralling 3-2 encounter with Birmingham City. For those only accustomed to Premiership footie, this is for the teams in the bottom 2 divisions of the Football League (League 1 and League 2)

Morecambe are in their inaugural season in the Football League so this is our first meeting as League members.

We managed a 3-0 victory against Sammy McIlroy's men pre-season, but this was no guarantee of success. Tranny made a few changes from the normal line-up but Morecambe looked the hungrier of the two sides. Their cup fighting pedigree has already been established with victory against Wolves in the League Cup. Didn't we used to be giant killers?

I think the cliche about concentrating on the league is a little early this year. We still have the F.A. Cup but..........................



Another famous Eric

Yeovil 1 Tranmere 1

YEOVIL 1 TRANMERE 1

Rovers broke with tradition and blew my theory out of the water with a last gasp equaliser from a Steve Davies free kick. Davies remains a target for Leeds, who continued their good start to the season with a fourth straight win. They are still bottom of the league with -3 points but with Forest continuing to struggle, their quest for promotion dos not look impossible task it did after the points deduction. Rovers are now fifth but have some more difficult games ahead this month. We should have a greater appreciation of their potential by the end of September.



Guardian Gets It Wrong Shock

People often say to me 'Eric, it's all very well having a go at the Daily Mail, but that is like putting a bet on Jade Goody to win an Ugly Thicko competition. Well, today they have their day. I thought the following article in the sports section of The guardian was appalling. Not only is it pandering to the lowest common denominator but it is very lazy writing.






http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/sport/2007/08/29/chairman_blitz_hires_hughes.html




Chairman Blitz hires Hughes and kicks sensitivity into touch


Simon Blitz's claim that signing Lee Hughes was not a 'moral' decision is difficult to accept.
Lawrence Donegan
August 29, 2007 11:59 PM


Either the thespian community of these isles has a new Olivier in its midst or Lee Hughes, recently released from Featherstone prison into the promiscuous embrace of Oldham Athletic football club, really did mean it when he said this week that he would never forgive himself for the despicable conduct that caused the death of 56-year-old Douglas Graham in a car crash almost four years ago.
"I am not coming here [to Boundary Park and professional football] to be a hero," said Hughes, who served three years of a six-year sentence for causing death by dangerous driving and leaving the scene of an accident. He need have no worries on that score, at least not in the eyes of anyone who rightly judges that a man's ability to stick the ball in the net is a trivial thing in the greater scheme of life.
Nevertheless, Hughes's status as the principal pariah in an awful human tragedy may be under threat after the contribution of the Oldham chairman, Simon Blitz, who claimed this week that the decision to sign the player was absolutely not a "moral" decision. "For us it is a pure footballing matter," he went on.
Long experience has taught us not to expect too much in the way of good judgment from football club chairmen but this contribution from Blitz surely sets a new low.
Given that members of Graham's family had already publicly voiced their disgust at Hughes's return to professional football, the very least - or, rather, the very most - this buffoon should have said on the subject is nothing. That he said what he did, and that he said it on a day when he must surely have known that the emotions of the Graham family would be at their rawest, shows an absence of sensitivity, and a lack of respect, that could be interpreted as utter contempt.
As for the substance of Blitz's remarks, it would require us to accept that professional football is not bound by the same moral code as the rest of us. Of course, some within the game behave as if this is indeed the case, but it is not. And it most certainly is not the case if it means the feelings of a grieving family are overruled by the need for an English League One club to solve their goal - scoring problem. Are we being asked to believe that Hughes is the only available player in England capable of lifting the Boundary Park club out of their midtable torpor? And if other club chairmen embraced Blitz's approach and took it to its logical conclusion, where would we be ? Lee Harvey Oswald for Southampton? Mark Chapman for Chelsea?
The truth is that signing Hughes was absolutely a moral decision, but that Oldham and their chairman lacked the intellectual courage to defend it, probably because deep down they realised it was indefensible.
The player, reading a prepared statement, did say this on his own behalf: "I have served the sentence laid down by the law but nothing I can do or say can change what happened. I can only keep saying sorry although I know that is not good enough for some people." This is because "some people", though accepting the court's decision, happen to think three years is far too little for causing the death of another man in a car accident after a night out on the town and leaving the scene before the police arrived. It is because some people would argue that Hughes's debt to society would have been paid back in full if he spent the next four years - or however long his professional football career might have lasted - coaching football in the inner cities, or in another worthy capacity. Instead he has chosen to return to a full-time career in professional football, where his name on the Oldham team sheet will serve as a weekly reminder to the Graham family of their loss.
It is Hughes's right to make this choice, selfish though it may be, but it is Oldham's shame that they made it so easy for him to return to the game he has disgraced.





I once saw Lee Hughes play for West Brom, his home club against Tranmere at Prenton Park. After the match, we were astonished o see Hughes running away from the ground still in his WBA kit. It turns out that he had just learned of his father's heart attack and was getting a lift from fans as the team coach would not be leaving until later.


Nobody condones his actions. He killed a man. He injured another. However, the witch hunt which has grown since his release is irrational. I am, therefore, peeved that the Guardian allowed this populist nonsense to be printed. It is also disappointing because in the author's column in the paper edition, he makes an extremely good point in highlighting anti-Islam racist abuse in Scottish football.

The problem with the article can be summarised thus:




  1. Should our judicial system punish people harder because they have the capacity to earn money after serving their sentence?


  2. Should prisoners not be allowed to undergo rehabilitation?


  3. Should sentences be linked to career length? The article implies that Hughes should have to serve a further community penalty.


  4. It is crass to equate this crime with those of pre-meditated ones committed by Mark Chapman and Lee Harvey Oswald. Very bad journalism.


  5. The views of the victim's family are irrelevant. The law should not take them into account. If we were in that position we may feel different but the law must stand back from emotion lest justice judges one person's grief higher than another's.


  6. Hughes will be vilified by away fans when he plays for Oldham. (November 6th at Prenton Park).



Whilst it can be argued that the sentence was too lenient or that Hughes is symptomatic of a footballer with too much money, this article does neither. It is very, very lame. I was heartened to see that others commenting on the story felt the same. Hey, at least we can comment in The Guardian. Imagine trying to get a comment printed in the Daily Mail without wishing that Richard Litttlejohn was running the country. Oh, but I forget there is no bias. My friend told me.....

  • Please be assured that there is no editorial policy in place that would seek to prevent the discussion of both sides of the story and we value comments from both perspectives.
Tessa Batacharia Senior Communities Editor



Tranmere Rovers 2 Brighton 0

TRANMERE ROVERS 2 BRIGHTON & HOVE ALBION 0
Greenacre, Shuker

Another welcome victory for the Mighty Whites and another strike by Chris Greenacre. Yet again my pet theory of Tranny goals in the last 10 minutes not resulting in a points increase compared to the converse, proves correct. Shuker's injury time lob over the stranded keeper ended any chance of a Brighton comeback, but was largely academic. The result takes us to the dizzy heights of 3rd place. Leeds continued on their march from the bottom of the hill with a decent victory at Forest.


Coupled with a long awaited (3 weeks) triumph in the weekly trivia quiz for Team 'Mother And Child' on Friday, it has been a good weekend so far. There is the truncated Mathew Street Festival in Liverpool and the Wirral Food and Drink Festival to look forward to over the Bank Holiday period.


Gillingham 0 Tranmere 2


GILLINGHAM 0 TRANMERE 2
Greenacre, Davies

Our first three points of the season. From the radio report it sounded like we fully deserved the points. Another goal for the boy Greenacre and a peach from Steve Davies, apparently. Must look out for this on TV. After the disappointments of defeats against Leeds and Stockport, this was just the tonic we needed. Note to team: when you are 2-0 up you are allowed to concede a goal if that means getting it out of your system. Do not try this when drawing or leading by the odd goal.


I managed to catch the second half of Werder Bremen v Bayern Munich. Bayern ran out 4-0 winners. They looked superb against a side that finished above them in last year's Bundesliga. They did not seem to miss Hargreaves as they dictated midfield. There were some classy goals, the pick of which was a move beginning with a deft piece of skill in defence before sweeping the length of the pitch to score.


It is difficult to find Live TV on the internet but I managed it via Sopcast and TVU. Unfortunately, there are no plans for TRFC games to be shown.


Today is an historic day in relation to The Beatles. I shall post later as to the significance.

STOCKPORT COUNTY 1 TRANMERE ROVERS 0

Another dis-spiriting defeat away to League 2 opponents. A goal in 85 minutes (my theory is being proven right again) means no lucrative run in the Carling Cup. Memories of our 2000 Wembley trip seem as distant as ever. "We shall concentrate on the League (and other cups)", says anonymous supporter, stage left.

Tranmere Rovers 1 Leeds United 2 (Boo hoo!)

TRANMERE 1 LEEDS 2
Greenacre (22); Heath (55), Kandol (89)
Attendance : 11,008
Everyone has his or her own personal version of a utopian ideal. Even Thomas More’s original has a lot to be desired: celibacy as a punishment for pre-marital sex, lack of freedom of speech, women as secondary citizens. It reads more like a Conservative Party wet dream.

In my Utopia there are many wonderful aspects. The major change though is that all football matches will be 80 minutes in duration as in Rugby. In this perfect world, Tranmere Rovers would be European Champions and Manchester United would be playing in the Salford Allotments and Parks League (Division 3). Yes, the season started yesterday and it was Groundhog Day as usual.
The once mighty Leeds United were the visitors. This was the first league meeting between the two sides, although we do boast a fine 3-2 victory in the Cup a few years back. (ironically given my comments below, we managed to come back from 2-0 down).
I mentioned to a friend from Turkey recently that we were playing Leeds. Of course, they remember the Euro semi-final of 2002 when Galatasaray reached the final at the expense of the Elland Road team. This match was also marked by the tragic murder of 2 Leeds fans in Istanbul. They had not previously heard of Rovers. Such is the chasm between the clubs in terms of history.
Tranmere managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. Leading 1-0 at half-time through a goal by Leeds-supporting Chris Greenacre, they contrived to lose to a goal 2 minutes from time. This is due to the scientific law of Rovers: goals scored in the last 10 minutes are of no use, goals conceded in the last 10 minutes shall cost points. The converse of this law is the Man Utd. Principle.

I think a study should be funded to prove this thesis. It is not that Tranmere do not score goals in the last 10 minutes, but that when they do, the goals do not have any value. For instance, scoring in this period when already winning does not result in a net gain. On the other hand, particularly last year, we conceded late goals when winning by the odd goal or drawing, thus losing points.

There were some positives from the game. We dominated periods of the first half and the two goals were conceded because of poor defending of set pieces. We deserved at least a point.

At least we still have a 12-point head start against Leeds following the decision to uphold the 15-point penalty. A very disappointing day, but it is still early days. We can still do well this season. There were signs in this game which give Leeds fans will be happy as they begin to make inroads into the points deduction. They need around 70 points to avoid relegation. This would be an uphill struggle for many clubs but I expect Leeds to achieve survival comfortably. However, they have little margin for error if they wish to reach the play-offs. Without the sanction, they would have been one of the two favourites for the title so automatic promotion back to The Championship was to be expected. The bookmakers will have done well on bets made before the Football League decision.
In the infamy stakes, the pairing of Ken Bates as Chairman and Dennis Wise as Manager probably gives the uniting of Hindley and Brady a run for their money. However, on the evidence of this match, the couple may have sufficient steel to resolve some of the problems they have inherited and some of their own making.
Ronnie Moore was understandably annoyed at the manner of defeat. Perhaps he is also at a loss as to why we cannot play for 90 minutes and why this has been a Tranmere trait for decades. At least the visiting support in excess of 2000 helped to swell the crowd figure.

Leeds Update

Leeds United will start the season with a 15 point deduction following the granting of the Golden Share by the Football League, enabling them to compete in League 1. The first game is against The Mighty Whites.

Poetry in Motion


Here We Go, here we go…..

Albert Camus : "After many years during which I saw many things, what I know most surely about morality and the duty of man I owe to sport and learned it in the Racing Universitaire Algerios (football team)."

which is all very well, but when was the last time Algeria won the World Cup?

Football dominates today’s blog. The countdown to the new season has begun. I suffer from PMT (pre-match tension) and I haven’t been this nervous since I volunteered to be Salman Rushdie’s double.

Although the national media are only interested in the Premier League, the football season commences on 11th August. Tranmere has been handed an exciting first match against newly relegated and once mighty Leeds United. It seems unbelievable that a team of the stature and history of Leeds can find themselves in the third division. It is not so long ago that they were in the semi final of the European Champions League. They actually reached the final in 1975, losing to a strong Bayern Munich side.

There is still no confirmation that Leeds will be allowed to take part in the league as the Football League have retained the Golden Share, since the controversial take over by Ken Bates, after the club went into Administration. Assuming the game goes ahead, it is an interesting prospect and big test for Tranmere’s aspirations.

There has been a number of new signings made by the club. I have not been able to catch them during the pre-season friendlies but Tranmere was only beaten in one game (v Bolton).







Today’s poem is from Tony Harrison. His epic football-linked poem relates a story about him visiting his parents’ graves in Leeds, only to find it daubed with graffiti by Leeds United football supporters. It is very lengthy and contains strong language. However, I would argue that it is central to the theme of the piece. The poem was once performed on TV, when Channel 4 had an interest in culture rather than pandering to the Big Brother generation of morons.












V by Tony Harrison








Next millennium you'll have to search quite hard


to find my slab behind the family dead,



butcher, publican, and baker, now me, bard



adding poetry to their beef, beer and bread.






With Byron three graves on I'll not go short



of company, and Wordsworth's opposite.



That's two peers already, of a sort,



and we'll all be thrown together if the pit,






whose galleries once ran beneath this plot,



causes the distinguished dead to drop



into the rabblement of bone and rot,



shored slack, crushed shale, smashed prop.






Wordsworth built church organs, Byron tanned



luggage cowhide in the age of steam,



and knew their place of rest before the land



caves in on the lowest worked-out seam.






This graveyard on the brink of Beeston Hill's



the place I may well rest if there's a spot



under the rose roots and the daffodils



by which dad dignified the family plot.






If buried ashes saw then I'd survey



the places I learned Latin, and learned Greek,



and left, the ground where Leeds United play



but disappoint their fans week after week,






which makes them lose their sense of self-esteem



and taking a short cut home through these graves



here they reassert the glory of their team



by spraying words on tombstones, pissed on beer.






This graveyard stands above a worked-out pit.



Subsidence makes the obelisks all list.



One leaning left's marked FUCK, one right's marked SHIT



sprayed by some peeved supporter who was pissed.






Far-sighted for his family's future dead,



but for his wife, this banker's still alone



on his long obelisk, and doomed to head



a blackened dynasty of unclaimed stone,






now graffitied with a crude four-letter word.



His children and grandchildren went away



and never came back home to be interred,



so left a lot of space for skins to spray.






The language of this graveyard ranges from



a bit of Latin for a former Mayor



or those who laid their lives down at the Somme,



the hymnal fragments and the gilded prayer,






how people 'fell asleep in the Good Lord',



brief chisellable bits from the good book



and rhymes whatever length they could afford,



to CUNT, PISS, SHIT and (mostly) FUCK!






Or, more expansively, there's LEEDS v.



the opponent of last week, this week, or next,



and a repertoire of blunt four-letter curses



on the team or race that makes the sprayer vexed.






Then, pushed for time, or fleeing some observer,



dodging between tall family vaults and trees



like his team's best ever winger, dribbler, swerver,



fills every space he finds with versus Vs.






Vs sprayed on the run at such a lick,



the sprayer master of his flourished tool,



get short-armed on the left like that red tick



they never marked his work with much at school.






Half this skinhead's age but with approval



I helped whitewash a V on a brick wall.



No one clamoured in the press for its removal



or thought the sign, in wartime, rude at all.






These Vs are all the versuses of life



From LEEDS v. DERBY, Black/White



and (as I've known to my cost) man v. wife,



Communist v. Fascist, Left v. Right,






Class v. class as bitter as before,



the unending violence of US and THEM,



personified in 1984



by Coal Board MacGregor and the NUM,






Hindu/Sikh, soul/body, heart v. mind,



East/West, male/female, and the ground



these fixtures are fought on's Man, resigned



to hope from his future what his past never found.






The prospects for the present aren't too grand



when a swastika with NF (National Front)'s



sprayed on a grave, to which another hand



has added, in a reddish colour, CUNTS.






Which is, I grant, the word that springs to mind,



when going to clear the weeds and rubbish thrown



on the family plot by football fans, I find



UNITED graffitied on my parents' stone.






How many British graveyards now this May



are strewn with rubbish and choked up with weeds



since families and friends have gone away



for work or fuller lives, like me from Leeds?






When I first came here 40 years ago



with my dad to 'see my grandma' I was 7.



I helped dad with the flowers. He let me know



she'd gone to join my grandad up in Heaven.






My dad who came each week to bring fresh flowers



came home with clay stains on his trouser knees.



Since my parents' deaths I've spent 2 hours



made up of odd 10 minutes such as these.






Flying visits once or twice a year,



And though I'm horrified just who's to blame



that I find instead of flowers cans of beer



and more than one grave sprayed with some skin's name?






Where there were flower urns and troughs of water



And mesh receptacles for withered flowers



are the HARP tins of some skinhead Leeds supporter.



It isn't all his fault though. Much is ours.






5 kids, with one in goal, play 2-a-side.



When the ball bangs on the hawthorn that's one post



and petals fall they hum Here Comes the Bride



though not so loud they'd want to rouse a ghost.






They boot the ball on purpose at the trunk



and make the tree shed showers of shrivelled may.



I look at this word graffitied by some drunk



and I'm in half a mind to let it stay.






(Though honesty demands that I say if



I'd wanted to take the necessary pains



to scrub the skin's inscription off



I only had an hour between trains.






So the feelings that I had as I stood gazing



and the significance I saw could be a sham,



mere excuses for not patiently erasing



the word sprayed on the grave of dad and mam.)






This pen's all I have of magic wand.



I know this world's so torn but want no other



except for dad who'd hoped from 'the beyond'



a better life than this one, with my mother.






Though I don't believe in afterlife at all



and know it's cheating it's hard not to make



a sort of furtive prayer from this skin's scrawl,



his UNITED mean 'in Heaven' for their sake,






an accident of meaning to redeem



an act intended as mere desecration



and make the thoughtless spraying of his team



apply to higher things, and to the nation.






Some, where kids use aerosols, use giant signs



to let the people know who's forged their fetters



Like PRI CE O WALES above West Yorkshire mines



(no prizes for who nicked the missing letters!)






The big blue star for booze, tobacco ads,



the magnet's monogram, the royal crest,



insignia in neon dwarf the lads



who spray a few odd FUCKS when they're depressed.






Letters of transparent tubes and gas



in Düsseldorf are blue and flash out KRUPP.



Arms are hoisted for the British ruling class



and clandestine, genteel aggro keeps them up.






And there's HARRISON on some Leeds building sites



I've taken in fun as blazoning my name,



which I've also seen on books, in Broadway lights,



so why can't skins with spraycans do the same?






But why inscribe these graves with CUNT and SHIT?



Why choose neglected tombstones to disfigure?



This pitman's of last century daubed PAKI GIT,



this grocer Broadbent's aerosolled with NIGGER?






They're there to shock the living, not arouse



the dead from their deep peace to lend support



for the causes skinhead spraycans could espouse.



The dead would want their desecrators caught!






Jobless though they are how can these kids,



even though their team's lost one more game,



believe that the 'Pakis', 'Niggers', even 'Yids'



sprayed on the tombstones here should bear the blame?






What is it that these crude words are revealing?



What is it that this aggro act implies?



Giving the dead their xenophobic feeling



or just a cri-de-coeur because man dies?






So what's a cri-de-coeur, cunt? Can't you speak



the language that yer mam spoke.Think of 'er!



Can yer only get yer tongue round fucking Greek?



Go and fuck yourself with cri-de-coeur!






'She didn't talk like you do for a start!'



I shouted, turning where I thought the voice had been.



She didn't understand yer fucking 'art'!



She thought yer fucking poetry obscene!






I wish on this skin's words deep aspirations,



first the prayer for my parents I can't make,



then a call to Britain and to all nations



made in the name of love for peace's sake.






Aspirations, cunt! Folk on t'fucking dole'



ave got about as much scope to aspire



above the shit they're dumped in, cunt, as coal



aspires to be chucked on t'fucking fire.






'OK, forget the aspirations. Look, I know



United's losing gets you fans incensed



and how far the HARP inside you makes you go



but all these Vs: against! against! against!






Ah'll tell yer then what really riles a bloke.



It's reading on their graves the jobs they did –



Butcher, publican and baker. Me, I'll croak



doing t'same nowt ah do now as a kid.






'ard birth ah wor, mi mam says, almost killed 'er.



Death after life on t'dole won't seem as 'ard!



Look at this cunt, Wordsworth, organ builder,



This fucking 'aberdasher Appleyard!






If mi mam's up there, don't want to meet 'er



listening to me list mi dirty deeds,



and 'ave to pipe up to St fucking Peter



ah've been on t'dole all mi life in fucking Leeds!






Then t'Alleluias stick in t'angels' gobs.



When dole-wallahs fuck off to the void



What'll t'mason carve up for their jobs?



The cunts who lieth 'ere wor unemployed?






This lot worked at one job all life through.



Byron, 'Tanner', 'Lieth 'ere interred'.



They'll chisel fucking poet when they do you



and that, yer cunt, 's a crude four-letter word.






'Listen, cunt!' I said, 'before you start your jeering



the reason why I want this in a book's



to give ungrateful cunts like you a hearing!



'A book, yer stupid cunt, 's not worth a fuck!'






The only reason why I write this poem at all



on yobs like you who do the dirt on death's



to give some higher meaning to your scrawl.



'Don't fucking bother, cunt! Don't waste your breath!'






You piss-artist skinhead cunt, you wouldn't know



and it doesn't fucking matter if you do,



the skin and poet united fucking Rimbaud



but the autre that je est is fucking you.






'Ah've told yer, no more Greek...That's yer last warning!



Ah'll boot yer fucking balls to Kingdom Come.



They'll find yer cold on t'grave tomorrer morning.



So don't speak Greek. Don't treat me like I'm dumb.






'I've done my bits of mindless aggro too



not half a mile from where we're standing now.



'Yeah, ah bet yer wrote a poem, yer wanker you!



'No, shut yer gob a while. Ah'll tell yer 'ow...






''Herman Darewski's band played operetta



with a wobbly soprano warbling.



Just whyI made my mind up that I'd got to get her



with the fire hose I can't say, but I'll try.






It wasn't just the singing angered me.



At the same time half a crowd was jeering



as the smooth Hugh Gaitskill, our MP,



made promises the other half were cheering.






What I hated in those high soprano ranges



was uplift beyond all reason and control



and in a world where you say nothing changes



it seemed a sort of prick-tease of the soul.






I tell you when I heard high notes that rose



above Hugh Gaitskill's cool electioneering



straight from the warbling throat right up my nose



I had all your aggro in my jeering.






And I hit the fire extinguisher ON knob



and covered orchestra and audience with spray.



I could run as fast as you then. A good job!



They yelled 'damned vandal' after me that day...






'And then yer saw the light and up 'eavy!



And knew a man's not how much he can sup...



Yer reward for growing up's this super-bevvy,



a meths and champagne punch ini t'FA Cup.






Ah've 'eard all that from old farts past their prime.



'ow now yer live wi' all yer once detested...



Old farts with not much left'll give me time.



Fuckers like that get folk like me arrested.






Covet not thy neighbour's wife, thy neighbour's riches.



Vicar and cop who say, to save our souls,



Get thee behind me, Satan, drop their breeches



and get the Devil's dick right up their 'oles!






It was more a working marriage that I'd meant,



a blend of masculine and feminine.



Ignoring me, he started looking, bent



on some more aerosolling, for his tin.






'It was more a working marriage that I mean!



'Fuck, and save mi soul, eh? That suits me.



Then as if I'd egged him on to be obscene



he added a middle slit to one daubed V.






Don't talk to me of fucking representing



the class yer were born into any more.



Yer going to get 'urt and start resenting



it's not poetry we need in this class war.






Yer've given yerself toffee, cunt. Who needs



yer fucking poufy words. Ah write mi own.



Ah've got mi work on show all ovver Leeds



like this UNITED 'ere on some sod's stone.






'OK!' (thinking I had him trapped)



'OK!''If you're so proud of it, then sign your name



when next you're full of HARP and armed with spray,



next time you take this short cut from the game.






'He took the can, contemptuous, unhurried



and cleared the nozzle and prepared to sign



the UNITED sprayed where mam and dad were buried.



He aerosolled his name. And it was mine.






The boy footballers bawl Here Comes the Bride



and drifting blossoms fall onto my head.



One half of me's alive but one half died



when the skin half sprayed my name among the dead.






Half versus half, the enemies within



the heart that can't be whole till they unite.



As I stoop to grab the crushed HARP lager tin



the day's already dusk, half dark, half light.






That UNITED that I'd wished onto the nation



or as reunion for dead parents soon recedes.



The word's once more a mindless desecration



by some HARPoholic yob supporting Leeds.






Almost the time for ghosts I'd better scram.



Though not given much to fears of spooky scaring



I don't fancy an encounter with mi mam



playing Hamlet with me for this swearing.






Though I've a train to catch my step is slow.



I walk on the grass and graves with wary tread



over these subsidences, these shifts below



the life of Leeds supported by the dead.






Further underneath's that cavernous hollow



that makes the gravestones lean towards the town.



A matter of mere time and it will swallow



this place of rest and all the resters down.






I tell myself I've got, say, 30 years.



At 75 this place will suit me fine.



I've never feared the grave but what I fear's



that great worked-out black hollow under mine.






Not train departure time, and not Town Hall



with the great white clock face I can see,



coal, that began, with no man here at all,



as 300 million-year-old plant debris.






5 kids still play at making blossoms fall



and humming as they do Here Comes the Bride.



They never seem to tire of their ball



though I hear a woman's voice call one inside.






2 larking boys play bawdy bride and groom.



3 boys in Leeds strip la-la Lohengrin.



I hear them as I go through growing gloom



still years away from being skald or skin.






The ground's carpeted with petals as I throw



the aerosol, the HARP can, the cleared weeds



on top of dad's dead daffodils, then go,



with not one glance behind, away from Leeds.






The bus to the station's still the No. 1



but goes by routes that I don't recognise.



I look out for known landmarks as the sun



reddens the swabs of cloud in darkening skies.






Home, home, home, to my woman as the red



darkens from a fresh blood to a dried.



Home, home to my woman, home to bed



where opposites seem sometimes unified.






A pensioner in turban taps his stick



along the pavement past the corner shop,



that sells samosas now, not beer on tick,



to the Kashmir Muslim Club that was the Co-op.






House after house FOR SALE where we'd played cricket



with white roses cut from flour-sacks on our caps,



with stumps chalked on the coal-grate for our wicket,



and every one bought now by 'coloured chaps',






dad's most liberal label as he felt



squeezed by the unfamiliar, and fear



of foreign food and faces, when he smelt



curry in the shop where he'd bought beer.






And growing frailer, 'wobbly on his pins',



the shops he felt familiar with withdrew



which meant much longer tiring treks for tins that



had a label on them that he knew.






And as the shops that stocked his favourites receded



whereas he'd fancied beans and popped next door,



he found that four long treks a week were needed



till he wondered what he bothered eating for.






The supermarket made him feel embarrassed.



Where people bought whole lambs for family freezers



he bought baked beans from check-out girls too harassed



to smile or swap a joke with sad old geezers.






But when he bought his cigs he'd have a chat,



his week's one conversation, truth to tell,



but time also came and put a stop to that



when old Wattsy got bought out by M. Patel.






And there, 'Time like an ever rolling stream''s



What I once trilled behind that boarded front.



A 1000 ages made coal-bearing seams



and even more the hand that sprayed this CUNT






on both Methodist and C of E billboards



once divided in their fight for local souls.



Whichever house more truly was the Lord's



both's pews are filled with cut-price toilet rolls.






Home, home to my woman, never to return



till sexton or survivor has to cram



the bits of clinker scooped out of my urn



down through the rose-roots to my dad and mam.






Home, home to my woman, where the fire's lit



these still chilly mid-May evenings, home to you,



and perished vegetation from the pit



escaping insubstantial up the flue.






Listening to Lulu, in our hearth we burn,



As we hear the high Cs rise in stereo,



what was lush swamp club-moss and tree-fern



at least 300 million years ago.






Shilbottle cobbles, Alban Berg high D



lifted from a source that bears your name,



the one we hear decay, the one we see,



the fern from the foetid forest, as brief flame.






This world, with far too many people in,



starts on the TV logo as a taw,



then ping-pong, tennis, football; then one spin



to show us all, then shots of the Gulf War.






As the coal with reddish dust cools in the grate



on the late-night national news we see



police v. pickets at a coke-plant gate,



old violence and old disunity.






The map that's colour-coded Ulster/Eire's



flashed on again as almost every night.



Behind a tiny coffin with two bearers



men in masks with arms show off their might.






The day's last images recede to first a glow



and then a ball that shrinks back to a blank screen.



Turning to love, and sleep's oblivion, I know



what the UNITED that the skin sprayed has to mean.






Hanging my clothes up, from my parka hood



may and apple petals, browned and creased,



fall onto the carpet and bring back the flood



of feelings their first falling had released.






I hear like ghosts from all Leeds matches humming



with one concerted voice the bride, the bride



I feel united to, my bride is coming



into the bedroom, naked, to my side.






The ones we choose to love become our anchor



when the hawser of the blood-tie's hacked, or frays.



But a voice that scorns chorales is yelling: Wanker!



It's the aerosolling skin I met today's.






My alter ego wouldn't want to know it,



His aerosol vocab would baulk at LOVE,



the skin's UNITED underwrites the poet,



the measures carved below the ones above.






I doubt if 30 years of bleak Leeds weather



and 30 falls of apple and of may



will erode the UNITED binding us together.



And now it's your decision: does it stay?






Next millennium you'll have to search quite hard



to find out where I'm buried but I'm near



the grave of haberdasher Appleyard,



the pile of HARPs, or some new neonned beer.






Find Byron, Wordsworth, or turn left between



one grave marked Broadbent, one marked Richardson.



Bring some solution with you that can clean



whatever new crude words have been sprayed on.






If love of art, or love, gives you affront



that the grave I'm in 's graffitied then, maybe,



erase the more offensive FUCK and CUNT



but leave, with the worn UNITED, one small v.






Victory? For vast, slow, coal-creating forces



that hew the body's seams to get the soul.



Will earth run out of her 'diurnal courses'



before repeating her creation of black coal?






If, having come this far, somebody reads



these verses, and he/she wants to understand,



face this grave on Beeston Hill, your back to Leeds,



and read the chiselled epitaph I've planned:






Beneath your feet's a poet, then a pit.



Poetry supporter, if you're here to find



How poems can grow from (beat you to it!) SHIT



find the beef, the beer, the bread, then look behind.