Eric The Fish

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The thing about bullies is that they don’t like it up ‘em, Mr Mainwaring, as Littlejohn found out to his cost when he was put in his place by Indy journalist Johann Hari on Dick’s own TV show hosted by the Murdoch network. Hari talks about his encounter here and a YouTube delight is here.

Littlejohn’s column on Tuesday was yet another example of his tired, formulaic method of writing.

He begins with an‘hilarious’ spoof telephone conversation with the National Bullying Helpline. This lampooning of on-the-face-of-it worthwhile causes is a favourite motif of RLJ. When he isn’t twisting some hearsay into a boring ‘elf ‘n safety hatchet job, he enjoys nothing more than sticking the boot into the Government no matter what the actual facts are.

Here, he lambasts Brown for bullying the founder of the helpline notwithstanding that she clearly breached confidentiality, has lost credibility among fellow patrons and forced the Government onto the defensive by releasing this so-called data. That she has been unable to offer conclusive proof that Brown was at the centre of any such behaviour.

The pretend telephone call starts as it means to go on by having a gentle dig at Brown’s Scottishness (Press 2 for Scottish) then scores a hit with readers by adding Polish to the list of options. Because if you’re Eastern European you only have yourself to blame for being bullied as you are (in Daily Mail Land) taking ALL our jobs. Those who watched the BBC programme on The Day The Immigrants Went may beg to differ.

The call lasts an eternity and none of the jokes work at all. It’s just a long list of disjointed rambling ending in the caller being diverted to a call centre in India. More BNP propaganda from the man whose love for ‘knuckle dragging Neanderthals’ dare not speak its name.

As one of the highest rating comments says,

Why won't the major parties discuss immigration, PC and Positive Discrimination and multiculturism? It is clear they all support these policies. No use blaming one or the other as all are at fault even if only by keeping quiet on the issues. The media are strangely silent too which makes it worse. All say BNP are fascist or racist but we no longer care if they are .

Only answer is the vote alternative, any alternative.

- Duncan, Personchester,

See what Duncan did there? He uses the trouser-wetting ‘Personchester’ as his home town instead of Manchester!

Littlejohn moves on to blame Labour for a Boundary Commission decision made under John Major. This is on a par with his online webchat where he claimed Labour had been recruiting immigrants to vote for them throughout the Thatcher years.

Jim: Richard, why are the Government so keen on such high levels of immigration? I live in the South East and it's clear that the last thing we need are more people.
Richard_Littlejohn After the Tories won their third victory in 1987, Labour decided it could no longer rely on the working class - so it set about importing a new one. There's a chapter on this - and emigration - in Littlejohn's Britain.

Either he’s actually that stupid or he’s naturally deceptive.

The piece de resistance in this pitiful effort is the headline ‘Now mad Hattie's making skirts illegal'.

I suppose we should be grateful he doesn’t follow Dunc’s lead and uses Harperson.

His logic is mind-blowing. Even the first two paragraphs launch it out of the water:

Conclusive evidence that the world has gone stark, staring mad comes from the Equalities and Human Rights Commission, which has announced that schools which make girls wear skirts may be breaking the law - by discriminating against transsexuals.
You couldn't make it up. (BUT YOU DID) A 68-page report on the rights of transsexuals says 'requiring pupils to wear gender-specific clothes is potentially unlawful'.
We are now ruled by maniacs who think the wearing of skirts should be made illegal.

At least one comment pointing out this abuse of language manages to make it through:

I'm struggling with your train of thought in that last section. You begin by saying that the Equalities and Human Rights Commission say that it may be unlawful to force girls in skirts to wear skirts, and somewhere along the way it becomes a complaint about people being totally forbidden to wear skirts. How did that happen?
- Katherina, Westbury-on-Trym, Bristol, 23/2/2010 9:10

Ah well roll on Friday.

Some snaps from the game at the Gerhardt Hanappi Stadium in Vienna. The ground was hard to reach as we had to take a train from the city centre to Penzing and then get a tram.

None of the cheaper seats were available for the home team supporters; my attempts to have us deemed neutral fans failed. The cost was €26.

There is a small bar at the corner of the ground, which, surprisingly, wasn't full and we chatted to some locals about football - they had a great knowledge and interest in the premiership.

On the march down to the stadium we noticed a vast convoy of police vans and cars parked up. Although Austrian football has sometimes suffered from the 'British disease', this did seem to be overkill and a nice little earner for the uniformed ones.

Arriving in the ground we realised that the police justify this manpower with OTT shows of force. A handful of fans had run on to the pitch prior to the teams coming out, leading to a mass charge by helmeted officers.

The match itself was a mediocre affair and we actually missed the winning penalty as we needed to catch a late train back to Slovakia. (€11 day return).